The Time is Now

"We can spend a whole lifetime enjoying various benefits and not appreciate their value until we are deprived of them. How many lovers boldly contemplate separation, fondly imagining that they have had enough of the beloved. And yet as soon as they actually experience separation, they burn up with longing." – Jami

Do I ever recognize myself in this quote! Retroactive gratitude I call it - realizing after something is over or someone is gone that I really appreciated what I had, but wasn't aware of it until it was gone. Good health, the smile of a loved one, a job that allowed for creativity and self-_expression - the list of what we might have taken for granted is endless.

Failing to appreciate what we had until it's "too late" leads to regret, one of the most insidious negative feelings there is. Regret is a poison that keeps us in the past: If only I had told him more often I was thankful for all he gave me, maybe he would not have left me; if only I had been more appreciative of my legs before I got hit by the car; if only I had told her how much her kind words meant to me...if only, if only. Our minds spin around, creating story upon story of how life could have been better if we had taken less for granted.

Whenever I find myself swirling around in a fog of retroactive gratitude, I do two things. First, I take time to consciously thank the person or thing I have belatedly discovered my gratitude for. If the person is alive, I thank them via letter or phone call. If not, I send a mental thanks, as I do for a situation I am grateful for. Second, I take a hard look at my current life, at the things I might be taking for granted right now.

While we can never know if being grateful in the moment would have created a different outcome - maybe he wouldn't have left you if you had nagged less and been more grateful, but then again, maybe not - what is for sure is that the more we give thanks now for what we do have, the fewer regrets we will have in the future, no matter what happens. Maybe we can't tell your sister who just died how grateful you were for your presence in your life, but right now you can tell your husband, your child, and your best friend what they mean to you.

Always remember to let the fact of our regret send us into the world with even more appreciation for the gifts we have been given, and a commitment to communicate that appreciation as often as possible.