Ice Cream Power

Last week Richard took his children to a restaurant. His six-year-old son asked if he could say grace. As they bowed our heads he said, "God is good. God is great. Thank you for the food, and I would even thank you more if Mom gets us ice cream for dessert. And Liberty and justice for all! Amen!"

Along with the laughter from the other customers nearby he heard a woman remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray. Asking God for ice-cream! Why, I never!"

Hearing this, Richard’s son burst into tears and asked him, "Did I do it wrong? Is God mad at me?" As he held him and assured him that he had done a terrific job and God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.

He winked at Richard’s son and said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer." "Really?" Richard’s son asked. "Cross my heart." Then in a theatrical whisper he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is good for the soul sometimes."

Naturally, Richard bought his kids ice cream at the end of the meal. His son stared at him for a moment and then did something he will remember the rest of his life. Richard’s son picked up his sundae and without a word walked over and placed it in front of the woman. With a big smile he told her, "Here, this is for you. Ice cream is good for the soul sometimes, and my soul is good already."

Do not let anyone tell you how to pray. Ask for what you want. Tell God why you want it and in the process of saying WHY you want something, you will already know a little more whether you will be getting your wish or not. And if the reason isn’t a good one, than sincerely change your reason, or change what you want.


And if you want ice cream, ask for ice cream. Personally, I like chocolate ice cream.

Universal Law

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theatre: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, you boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Rugs and Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpeting.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Pinoy... Pinoy Ako!

I got this from Ate Sheilah and it is a good read.

******

I have read this column on the Philippine Daily Inquirer the other day, 08 April 2007, and it is really an enjoyable article...

Enjoy, Be Pinoy; Bahala Na Si Batman
By Gilda Cordero-Fernando
Inquirer
Posted date: April 08, 2007

Manila, Philippines -- Pinoy is what Filipinos call each other, a term of endearment. You’re Pinoy from Pilipino just like you’re tisoy from mestizo or chinoy from chino.
It’s a nickname just as Minoy is from Maximo, Ninoy from Benigno, Tinay from Florentina and Kikay from Francisca. But now they’re Maxi and Ben and Tintin and Cheska.

You’ve been called indio, goo-goo, Negro, flip, noypits. Or Filipino, a biscuit that is brown outside and white inside, or a word stricken from the dictionary which means domestic. Ay, lintik!

You’re Juan de la Cruz or Mang Pandoy. You’re common tao, masa, urban poor but also Cecile Licad and Don Jaime, Jose Rizal and Tony Meloto, Shawie and Pacquiao and Nick Joaquin, galing galing.

Born June 12, 1896, the Republic of the RP is a Gemini, good at connecting, good at loving-loving, good at texting and interpersonal skills.

Filipinos like to yakap, akbay, hawak, kalong, kalabit. We sleep side by side, siping-siping, we go out kabit kabit.

There’s lots of us to go around. Someone always to listen to a sob story, even in a jeepney, to share-a-load or to share a TV.

Everyone’s tito, tita

Who has a hipag, a bayaw, a bilas, a balae, a kinakapatid? Who has an ate, dete, diche, kuya, diko? The maids call her ate, the driver calls him kuya and everybody is tito or tita.

Who has a Lola Baby, a Tito Totoy, a bosing called Sir Peewee, his wife Ma’am Lovely and their kids Cla Cla and Cring Cring?

The Pinoy lives in a condo, a mansion, an apartment, a bahay na bato, ilalim ng tulay, Luneta, Forbes Park, and Paris too!

He’s a citizen of the world, he’s in all the villages and capitals, colonizing the West, bringing his guitar and his bagoong, his walis na tingting, his tabo, his lolo and lola.

Where there’s a beat, there’s a Pinoy. You’ll find her singing in a nightclub in Tokyo, a musical in London, the Opera House in Sydney. Sure, they’ve got the infrastructure, the theaters and architecture. Who but Pinoys direct their plays, or trains their company managers, and imports our teachers, by the way?

Viagra to Victoria’s Secret

Look at that baggage—all pasalubong, none for herself. From bedsheet to hair color, Toblerone to carpet, Viagra to paella pan, Victoria’s Secret to microwave.

Hey, Joe, don’t envy me ’cause I’m brown, you’ll get ultra violet from that sun and turn red not brown.

Just lucky, I guess. God put us all in the oven, but some were uncooked and some were burned, but me, I came out golden brown!

Hey, Kristoff! Hey David and Ann! Your Pinoy yaya makes your kids gentler, more obedient, she teaches them how to pray. Hey Big Brother! Hey Grandma Moses! Who but Pinoy nurses make your sick days easier all the way?

We made the jeepney, the karaoke, the fluorescent bulb, the moon buggy. We invented People Power and crispy pata; popularized virgin coconut oil, scaled the Everest and made it with Cebu furniture abroad among the best. Ever trying for the Guinness World Record—with the longest swim of a child, the longest kiss, the longest longanisa…

Linguist

The Pinoy is a linguist. As in. As if. For a while. Open the light. Close the light. Paki ganyan naman ang kuwan sa ano. Tuck in. Tuck out. Don’t be high blood. If you’re ready na, I’ll pass for you.

Hayop; Hanep! Bongga ka ’day, feel na feel kita, kilig to the bones ako. Don’t make wala, don’t make tampo. Taralets na, babes, let’s go, nababato na ang syota mo.

I’m inviting you to my party, please RSVP. Oo means “yes” or “maybe,” or “yes if you insist,” or “maybe if it doesn’t rain.”

“Yes” is also a nice way of saying “no.” Yes, hindi kita sisiputin. “No,” eto na ako at ang barkada ko. Please don’t ask a Pinoy a question like that!

Just flows

She’s not so exact, not so chop-chop, she just flows and flows. Filipino time? Naku, huli din naman ang Kano!

The Pinoy finds time to be nice, to be kind, to apologize, to be there when you’re depressed, to help you with your utang and your wedding dress.

The Filipino is a giver, never mind what it does to his liver, never mind what it takes. Hardships of the Third World don’t dry up his blood, they just make him more compassionate, more feeling, of the other guy’s lot.

Note that the maid sends all her wages home to ailing daddy. She is the OCW whose labor of loneliness created the original katas ng Saudi.

‘Bahala na’

The Filipino is fearless, bahala na si Batman, which actually means Bathala na or “leave all to God.” Okay lang if I die by bitay, okay lang if I live, okay lang if I survive by the skin of my teeth.

Saway ni Inay: Di ka naman Bill Gates, di ka naman French, mahirap nang magbuhat ng sarili mong bench.

Be Pinoy! Enjoy!

Iba talaga ang Pinoy!

Why Aren't You Married Yet?

Aside from me, two members of the Sistahud are in their early 30’s and still single. We have great jobs; we travel and have money to spare for our everyday knick-knacks. Is their anything wrong with being single at your early 30’s?

Do we need to be concerned?

No, I don’t think so! As long as we are happy and comfortable with our lives then we should have no worries. I still have many friends who are not married yet and they are in their mid-thirties.

What else? Being single at this age, we are plagued with the age-old question “why aren’t you married yet?

Some have a hard time answering this question but I bumped into these snappy comebacks and had a good laugh.

• You haven't asked yet.
• I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life.
• Because I just love hearing this question.
• Just lucky, I guess.
• It gives my mother something to live for.
• My fiancee is awaiting his parole.
• I'm still hoping for a shot at a beauty pageant.
• I'm waiting until I get to be your age.
• It didn't seem worth a blood test.
• I already have enough laundry to do, thank you. Because I think it would take all the spontaneity out of dating.
• I wouldn't want my parents to drop dead from sheer happiness.
• What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads?
• I don't want to have to support another person on my paycheck.
• Why aren't you thin?
• I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation.

Given all this, whenever somebody asks me, "So, why aren't you married?" I pause; I smile, look at them in the eye, and then I quietly reply, “The reason I'm not married is because I’m still enjoying my single life.”

It is quite the answer, for now. It would not be a snappy one, but it is the truth.

Dating Dictionary

As we approach Valentine’s Day...

Valentine's Vernacular: A Dating Dictionary...

DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE: A woman's feeling toward a man that is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."

IRRITATING HABIT: What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

NYMPHOMANIAC: A man's term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does.

SOBER: A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

ATTRACTION: The act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT: What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

LAW OF RELATIVITY: How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

Takatatakatakatakatakatak

He is back with a new hit, and for sure, this will create a big following among the Dabarkads (what else but the Eat Bulaga fanatics). The song and the dance step (as if you are dribbling an invisible basketball) is now a hit. Nothing can really stop Joey De Leon!

Itaktak na!

Itaktak Mo
By Joey de Leon (Joey to the World 2)

Agalugtae (Woh!)

Ang magsayaw ay di biro
Liyad Liyad Yuko Yuko
At meron pa liko liko
Parang kumapit ang tuko

Kahit ilong mo ay pango
At boses mo ay kay baho
Sayaw mo man parang mumo
Patakbuhin mo ang dugo

Chorus:
Itaktak mo
Itaktak mo
Itak itak itaktak mo (4x)
Itakatatakatakatakatakatak
Itaktak Mo

Agalugtae (Woh!)

Para malimot ang lungkot
Pati masira ang tuktok
Nang di laging inaantok
Sayaw na kahit kangkarot

Kahit ka lang nakatapak
Roll lang nang roll rock lang nang rock
Kahit nga lamang na palakpak
Bayaan mong tumagktak

Repeat Chorus

Itaktak mo
Itaktak mo
Itak itak itaktak mo (4x)
Takatatakatakatakatakatak (Heh!)
Takatatakatakatakatakatak (Huh!)
Takatatakatakatakatakatak

Itaktak Mo (Taktaktak!)

Pick Up Lines

Malupet!!!

Got this from a friend... it's really funny and cute... Hahaha!

1. Minamalat na naman ang puso ko..
*** paano kasi, laging sinisigaw ang pangalan mo..

2. Ikaw ba may-ari ng Crayola??
*** ikaw kasi nagbibigay ng kulay sa buhay ko..

3. Uy picture tayo!!
*** para ma-develop tayo!!

4. Kung ikaw ay bola at ako ang player, mashushoot ba kita??
*** hinde, kasi lagi kita mamimiss..

5. Can i take your picture??
*** coz i want to show Santa exactly what i want for christmas!!

6. Exam ka ba??
*** gustong gusto na kasi kitang i-take home eh!!

7. Lecture mo ba ako??
*** lab kasi kita..

8. Centrum ka ba??
*** kasi you make my life complete!!

9. Miss pwede ba kita maging driver??
*** para ikaw na magpapatakbo ng buhay ko..

10. Mahilig ka ba sa asukal??
*** ang tamis kasi ng mga ngiti mo..

11. Pinaglihi ka ba sa keyboard??
*** type kasi kita..

12. I hate to say this but... You are like my underwear..
*** i can't last a day without you!!

13. Ibibili kita ng salbabida..
*** kasi malulunod ka sa pagmamahal ko..

14. Pwede ba kitang maging sidecar??
*** single kasi ako eh..

15.Me lisensya ka ba??
*** coz you're driving me crazy..

16. May kilala ka bang gumagawa ng relo??
*** may sira ata relo ko.. pag ikaw kasi kasama ko, humihinto ang oras ko..

17. Grabe nakakatawa yung mga pick-up lines noh?? hahaha! May alam ka pa bang iba?? Wala na akong maisip eh.. *** kundi ikaw..

18. I'm a bee..
*** can you be my honey??

19. Nakakatakot diba ang multo??
*** pero mas nakakatakot kapag nawala ka sa buhay ko..

20. Am i a bad shooter??
*** coz i keep on missing you..

21. Tatay mo ba bumbero??
*** kase your hot!!!

22. Naniniwala ka ba sa love at first sight??
*** O gusto mong dumaan ulit ako??

23. Mabilis ka siguro sa mga puzzle noh??
*** kasi kakasimula pa lang ng araw ko, pero nabuo mo na agad..

24. Excuse me.. Are you a dictionary??
*** because you give meaning to my life..

25. Bangin ka ba??
*** nahuhulog kasi ako sa'yo..

26. Pustiso ka ba??
*** kasi, can't smile without you..

27. Pagod na pagod ka na noh??
*** maghapon at magdamag kana kasing tumatakbo sa isipan ko eh..

28. Me butas ba puso mo??
*** kasi natrap na ako sa loob, & i can't find my way out!!

29. Anung height mo??
*** ha?? pano ka nagkasya sa loob ng puso ko..

30. Hey, did you fart??
*** coz you blew me away!!

31. Sana "T" na lang ako..
*** para i'm always right next to "U"

32. Are you Jamaican??
*** kasi Ja-maican me crazy!!

33. Nde tayo tao..Nde tayo hayop...
*** bagay tayo...BAGAY tlga tayo...

34. Ako ay isang exam...
*** kaya sagutin mo na ako...

35. Alam mo bang scientist ako??
*** at ikaw ang lab ko...