Loving from Overflow

Because taking time for ourselves is often a foreign idea, we need to have helpful reminders. When Suzanne turned fifty-nine, she decided it was time she had adolescence. As the eldest daughter of an old-fashioned European family, she had been the designated mother's helper and servant. Leaving her parents' home, she married and had six children of her own. Circumstances such as illness, moves, and the usual responsibilities of a large family dictated that she put herself last.

Never thinking of herself was such an ingrained habit that even now, at age seventy-five, she needs to give herself reminders to do so, such as paying her tuition in advance when she returned to school recently.

Many of us are in the same boat as Suzanne. We want to lighten our lives and nurture ourselves, but we do not know how. It helps to make a list of what fills us, gives us joy, and feels nurturing and healing. We need to check how much these people, activities, places, and attitudes we have listed are part of our lives.

In order to absorb the feeling of receiving, sit quietly and close your eyes. Gently ask for the picture of a vase, which represents you, your life's vessel, to come into your mind's eye. If the picture you see is not one you like, change it until you have a vase that pleases you. Now visualize all the fulfilling things you listed pouring into your vase. If good things refuse to fill your vase, stop and write in a journal any reasons you might feel unworthy. Gently reassure yourself that you deserve to have what you want and need.

Always remember that we love others best from our own overflow.