If You Can't Say No, Prevaricate

Have you ever found yourself trapped at a social gathering you did not want to attend in the first place because you were caught off guard when the hostess invited you? The truth is you did not really want to go, but you did not have any other plans, and you did not have an excuse ready. It has happened to most of us.

I have a friend who for years just could not say "no". Mary Jean is a strong, dynamic woman who runs a successful business and has never had a problem managing a staff of twenty people, dealing assertively with suppliers, or meeting on an equal footing with corporate executives. But when it came to her social life, she'd always been a pushover. She knew it, but she could not bear to hurt people's feelings.

However, she recently found herself fidgeting through yet another dinner party. She realized that if she'd been prepared with a socially acceptable excuse when Jannice had called to invite her, she'd be at home at that moment cozying up on the sofa with a good book. She decided right there, in the middle of Jannice's condominium, that she would never again say, "yes" when she wanted to say "no".

So she'd learned to "prevaricate". She drew up a list of all-purpose excuses, which she keeps by her home and office phones. Now, when people call with invitations to gatherings she has no interest in, she is prepared. Mary Jean is finally reconciled to the fact that just because she may like someone, she does not have to give up her free time to be with them, unless she wants to.

Maybe your social life will dwindle, but you will have more free time than you have ever had to do the things that really matter to you.