Pampering is Permissible

When I ask friends who seem "drained" what they do to pamper themselves, many of them respond uncomprehendingly, as though I have just spoken in a foreign language. To most of us, pampering brings to mind what we do for others. The idea of indulging ourselves is an alien concept. If it does occur, we avoid the idea because it smacks of being spoiled or selfish. After all, we have been taught to be givers rather than receivers.

Margaret, a workaholic, was married to a man who was still a little boy in terms of accepting responsibility at home. She became in her terms, "a ranting, raving witch". Her "witchiness" came from being the only adult in the household shouldering career, housework, and childcare. In the process of trying to change her husband, Margaret had totally neglected herself and her emotional safety net was virtually nonexistent. Her nerves were frayed to the breaking point and she was lashing out in frustration.

She was encouraged to stop working so hard for him and start taking care of herself and then both of them might learn to believe that she was worth taking care of. It was very difficult for Margaret to change, but she began with the small step of allowing herself one hour a week just for the "luxury" of what she wanted to do.

Eventually she realized that she was not only more confident and rested but also a better parent, worker, and wife when she pampered herself a little every day. She is now able to care for herself in small ways, such as saying "no" when she feels like it, and large ways such as taking a trip she has set aside money for. Her children adapted quickly and have accepted and learned from their mother's ability to take care of herself. Even her husband is changing a little. Most important, Margaret is happier and healthier.

As a suggestion, you weave a pampering pattern into your safety net. Make a list of ways in which you would like to pamper yourself, and then, starting with small steps, indulge yourself. You will be better for it!