Another Day in the Jungle

Yesterday, at exactly 8:20am my driver dropped me at the front steps of my former workplace. Before going there, we passed by Becky's Kitchen and I bought morning goodies (ensaymada, cinnamon and cheese rolls) for pasalubong. With three boxes for the kids, I braved the music and entered the jungle after 23 days of being a non-KDAS employee.

Since I'm a little bit early for my 9:00am appointment with my former boss, I visited Mother Lily and had a lively conversation about why she hasn't seen me for weeks and how come I didn't say my goodbyes. It was fun talking to her, if I am not that full with breakfast, I would have accepted the offer of the free food she just cooked for that day's lunch. So tempting and so good: the usual Chicken Adobo with Tofu and Egg! She is going back to Switzerland to visit her kids and will stay longer than last visit. I mentioned to her not to forget me the original Toblerone bars as pasalubong. She is such a nice person and with a big heart.

Oops, late na pala ako. Hurriedly said my goodbyes to Mother Lily and promised to visit her and she promised to call, especially after the Alps trip. I cannot wait for the authentic chocolate bars, my ultimate fave of all chocolate bars.

Quietly, I entered the Jungle, opened the first door, and guess what! Saw Cutie, Sweetness and Norman (wala pa akong code for you, sorry!) and then ang bilis ng news, one by one biglang nagsipasok as if the boss is not in the office. She, Ja, Jer and Mike! See how they loved the fabulous Madam Ralline? Hugs and kisses galore and so much laughter filled the small room.

Since it is already past 9am, I told them I will be back, walked slowly, checked my old room, nobody's in the area, wonder where is Tita, checked the last room, and saw my little sister, my ACE and the controversial little brother.

Without any talkies, my Ace stood up, and hugged me, oh so tight, that I had to control the tears in my eyes. Guess what, much as I do not want to see the reaction of the little brother, what do I get, a raised eyebrow, which is full of BS! Nevertheless, I promised a few people the day prior my appearance to the jungle, that I will behave and smile. Yes, I did smile. I smiled my sweetest smile to everyone and I just hugged Jean as tight as I could. Keber nila, I really don't care, I'm not a Care Bear!

I will never know when is the next hug that I will get from her so for me to remember everything, I cleared my thoughts for that few seconds, and just dedicated the time for my dearest Ace. A hug from somebody that appreciated what I had/have to offer as Ate Rain.

Then I knocked the first room and had a long conversation with the former boss. Did I behave? Of course, I am not the type of person that will finger point somebody's fault, diba nga, I accepted all faults kahit hindi akin and I always stand and voice out my concerns, ako pa! Hindi ako ever naging BOKA or naging drawing sa mga taong minamahal ko at sa mga kaibigan ko.

The private conversation with the former boss was good, a few laughs and more laughs when he called to the room the tres marias: Abbie, Jean and Jannice. We will still see each other soon - Sir Dan promised a night of drinks and seafood and we can't wait. Kahit nga sa Chili's Bar na lang or sa Dencio's puede na kami, kahit hindi na sa Pilar. Basta may pagkain at inuman!

It was like any ordinary day at KDAS, tawanan at kuwentuhan from Sir Dan until past 12noon. Ginutom na naman niya kami but before I left his room, I asked Jeremy and he took a photograph with the tres marias, moi and Sir Dan, something for me to keep and cherish.

Wow, just barely four hours in the Jungle and yet it was very eventful. Cutie asked if I missed the place, I answered her no, but in actuality, I do miss it a bit... and I do miss the people I shared many memories.

Just like Sisters...

Rae, Iyra and Jannice at Italianni's Greenbelt

italian feast with spaghetti and meatballs, fettucine alfredo and penne arrabiato with grilled chicken caesar salad and fried calamari... though we are big eaters, hindi namin nagawang clean plates... yet everything's good.

a meal is not complete without dessert... tartufo is the ultimate, eto ang clean plate!

Just like a hug...

.... this cold, fine morning.... I woke up with tears in my eyes.... I had a dream... not a bad dream� just a dream that left me with such intense feeling of missing someone... it's new feeling for me... it's just so raw and intense.. Not a bad thing either... coz I felt wonderful.. Having to feel such emotion in me. I felt silly for crying... that is something that I have to learn to control.... I had been known to be a hard-hearted girl... but this past few years have brought out the crybaby in me.

Although.... now, when I cry, I know I won't be alone. Such comfort... such warm wonderful feeling. It is... just like a hug.

A hug... is such a wonderful thing. It is so simple, yet powerful.

*The thought of you... is just like a hug*

Dengue and Tsu Fhu Fei

Dengue is still in the air. Even though the Department of Health is doing all their powers to minimize the outbreak, more and more cases are being reported everyday.

I am not saying that the surroundings we move around in are not clean; it is just that when we go out in the Metro, we see numerous places where mosquitoes breed. Who in their right mind loves mosquitoes? Almost everybody hates them.

My sister, Chloe Jean aka Tsu Fhu Fei, caught dengue just last week, she is 24 years old and I tell you, it was a nightmare.

She had a fever for two days. She would not eat and kept throwing up anything we tried to feed her. Any food she asked for, we produced just so she would eat. However, she had no appetite. The worst part was that we did not know until after two days that she had dengue.

According to fellow friends, dengue cannot be properly diagnosed until the fifth day from the onset of the fever.

Mom got worried and so did our Dad and most of our family physicians. Even my "little sister" was scared. We thought she had gastro-intestinal flu. Tita Amor asked for a blood test and that Tuesday, we waited. My brother and I were so scared.

You see, Chloe has always been a fighter. She is in denial that she is sick but she knows she is sick to the bone.

By the time I brought her to Makati Medical Center for another round of blood exams, she was already recovering from dengue. Sounds impossible, but it was true. She already HAD dengue! Just to make sure, the attending physician advised us to monitor her platelet count for six, 12 and 24 hours cycle. We went to the Laboratory and ER for five times and good thing that on the sixth trip, she was clear and out of danger. What a week!

I was told that those who had dengue fever before are at a greater risk of developing the disease again; that's why I told Chloe to be more extra careful wherever she goes and in commuting to and from Makati, Ateneo and UP.

As a breather for a hospital and scary week, I treated my cheeblings for dinner last night at TGIFriday's Glorietta 3. As usual, madhouse as ever, but we enjoyed the night out with good food and good company.

Love you, Owie Smowie!

Remembering... Maningning Miclat

Maningning C. Miclat is the niece of Tita Lyn Miclat-Pelina, my Parent�s highschool classmate and a close family friend. On September 29, will be her fifth death anniversary. She died at the height of her literary and artistic powers: a published author, multilingual poet, prize-winning artist, an interpreter and art teacher.

Still missing a great individual� peace for Maningning�s soul.


In memory of Maningning, young poet and artist
By Amad�s Ma. Guerrero, Contributor
Inquirer News Service

She died at the height of her literary and artistic powers: Maningning Miclat, 28, poet in three languages and award-winning painter. You might say that, like a true poet, she died for love. One recalls the poignant line from Gabri�l Garcia Marquez: "�la encontro muerta de amor en la cama con los ojos radiantes y la piel de reci�n nacida." (�she was found dead of love with eyes radiant and her skin like a newborn).

Her young life, so filled with accomplishments, is the stuff of legend.

Born and raised in Beijing, China, during the Cultural Revolution, because her parents Mario and Alma Miclat were based there then, Maningning became fluent in Mandarin (which she later taught at the Ateneo University), English and Filipino. And she published poems, short stories and essays in these three languages.

In 1987, she published her first book of poetry in Chinese, "Wo De Shi" (My Poems). Three years later she became a Fellow of the University of the Philippines National Writers Workshop, where she won an award and a Julie Lluch trophy for a one-man play in Filipino.

Her poems in English, on the other hand, made her a Fellow of the Silliman Writers' Workshop. And she followed up her first book of poetry with "Voice from the Underworld" (Anvil Publishing).

An anthology which came out in Beijing counted Maningning as one of the 39 Top-Rated Women Poets in Chinese.

The young writer's accomplishments in painting are just as remarkable, if not more so, considering her age then.

In 1987, 15-year-old Maningning held a first solo show of traditional paintings, the first of five such five one-woman exhibits. And while still a student at the UP College of Fine Arts (later graduating with a cum laude standing), she won the 1992 Art Association of the Philippines Grand Award for nonrepresentational paintings with her abstract work, "Trouble in Paradise."

The young poet-painter later took up Masters in Fine Arts at UP, and taught art at the Far Eastern University. There, on Sept. 29, 2000, the angel of death caught up with her.
Another major work, "Soliloquy" (8 x 44 feet) was exhibited posthumously at the Cultural Center of the Philippines and at the GSIS Museum in 2002.

Since her death, the Maningning Miclat Art Foundation (maningningfoundation@gmail.com and www.maningning.com) has been holding annual literary and cultural activities to perpetuate her memory.

This year it will be a "Tatluhan/Triptych" concert at the CCP's Tanghalang Aurelio Tolentino (Little Theater) on Sept. 25, during which the winners of the 2005 Maningning Miclat Poetry Award in Filipino, English and Chinese Divisions will be announced. The winners (who should not be older than 28) will receive P28,000 each and a Julie Lluch sculpture trophy.
The concert will feature renowned musical artists Raul Sunico, pianist, and Renato Lucas, cellist, and a rising young star on the concert scene, Regina Buenaventura, granddaughter of National Artist Antonino Buenaventura. Proceeds of the concert will go to the future projects of the foundation, as well as the CCP's Sagip Baryo Project.

Happy 24th Birthday, Marvin (Sweetness)!

A very wet and gloomy Friday turned out to be one of the funniest and wackiest Fridays for us.

All nine "kids" trekked, braved the rain, and arrived at my residence at 7:45pm. They were early and they were already belting out songs when I arrived from Makati Medical Center.

The sight was so good! Seeing my "little sister" and beau, all of the B2 kids and with the lone B3 and of course, Cutie's Carlos.

An ordinary Friday but it is also a way to voice out all the rants and raves from the jungle. It was also the eve of the birthday of Sweetness, the man in KB's dreams and a possible boylet for my Ace, no other than Marvin Vergara!

Everyone enjoyed the food (spaghetti, roasted chicken, marinated boneless bangus and for appetizer: escargot!) and the extraordinary revelations during the discussions while having late dinner.

l to r: Norman, Sheryl, Jeremy, Roger, Jannice, Rae, Mike, Iyra, Carlos and Marvin

kain galore kaming lahat!

After filling up our stomachs to the fullest, we had a number of bottles of the poor man�s drink yet the best in all their line: SMB's Red Horse and rounds of singing!

wala pang tama yan ha, tignan ninyo, smile galore kaming lahat

We lasted until early morning of the 24th and we greeted the birthday boy with glee.

This is not the end of our meets, though I am leaving for a few weeks, another round awaits! We have two birthday boys next month and we cannot wait for a longer bonding time.

Whew! I had a blast and so did the nine kids and another event that created a smile in my fabulous heart.

Marvin: wishing that God would give you more blessings in life and lots of love and happiness. Happy 24th Birthday!!! Take care and always stay sweet!

Misses

i miss the intelligent conversation with friends from the past.
i miss the times when i'm always on top.
when the rain would bring joy to me.
when weekends are spent at home doing nothing.
my palm 3x.
a typical day at work - tons to do and yet so short of time.
a stroll in the park.
hhww with my "boys"
buffet breakfast.
dinner in jumbo japs.
thai cuisine.
good company i've had when all was just astray.
cooking classes. piano recitals.
ice cream from coney island and baskin and robbins.
frozen strawberry margaritas.
good books and lovely movies.
long naps.
hugs and kisses from you know who.

man, things have changed!

Their Shoes Stink

Not that I hate them. Let us just say I am trying very hard to understand and be more compassionate. However, my standard has limited my capacity to do these, let alone tolerate people who never have even a minute sense of responsibility in their brains.
The system we belong to is just an input-output process. Simply, if you put something in, then these are expected to be transformed with value far greater than the sum of the individual values of the inputs. For these people, an on-time output of high quality can never be expected.

Responsibility is a function of values, goals and ambition, plans, academic background and the general sense of self and self-purpose. I maybe lacking some more, but my young experience has validated these to be the factors for a motivated self.

Therefore, I guess, I will never ever fit their shoes in. Because they stink.

Food For Thought

Sometimes, people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there. They serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or help figure out who you are and who you want to become. You never know who these people may be -- neighbor, child, long-lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger, who, when you lock eyes with theirs, you know at that very moment they, will affect your life in some profound way.

Sometimes things happen to you and at the time, they seem painful and unfair, but in reflection, you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never have realized your potential strength, will power, or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whether they are events, illnesses, or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere, safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the successes and downfalls you experience, create who you are, and even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the poignant and important ones. If someone hurts you, betrays you or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love, and opening your heart and eyes to things you never would have seen or felt without them.

Make everyday count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never experience it again. Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen; let yourself fall in love; break free and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you do not believe in yourself, no one else will. You can make your life anything you wish. Create your own life, then go out, and live in it. Live each day as if it is your last.

Oli the Pogi

By chance, while on my way to Goodwill Bookstore Glorietta to get some books for my brother this morning, I saw again after a very long time, one of my dearest UP blockmates, Oliver "Oli the Pogi" L. Salazar!

Was happy since the last time we had a chance to see each other was at Cynthia "Cynch" Paralejas residence back in 1999 though our communication is still intact with all the emails, SMS and live chats.

(l to r) Jojo, Rallsh, Oli, Cynch and Reyna

Funny thing, just last Sunday while having lunch with my Mom, she asked how Oli is and where is he working now. Ha, ha, ha! Mom really loves my friends; friends who remembers you even though you seldom see each other, and you know will always be there in the time of need and joy. He is still connected with McCann-Erickson Philippines and so payat!

For the rest of the EconBlock3A-92 of UP, he wants us to make kitakits kapag lahat nasa Manila and hopefully soon. Hook up galore na si Oli and he can�t wait to see us all. Okidoki?

Oli, pataba ka nga! Natutusok pa rin ako sa iyo kapag kayakap ka! Paano na ulit kapag tabi na tayo ulit matutulog? Remember, Alovel's house?

Amazing Grace

Late Dinner and Early Breakfast at our all-time favorite restaurant, Denny's at Los Angeles, CA. Picture taken last September 24, 2004.

The Lovely Grace at Work

In a few days, I'll be able to hug my dearest girlfriend: Mary Grace A. De Ramon. Gracey, as I fondly call her will be celebrating another birthday on the 26th and we'll definitely pig out with our favorite Denny's treats and goodies.

Gracey... I do miss you so much especially these past few days. See you in a few winks!

Missing Together-Times

I am missing a number of individuals with all my HEART, and waiting for OUR TOGETHER-TIMES to be back again.

I'm just here, now and always.

Feels like Home

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I�m alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that Id love anyone so much

It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong.

"Feels Like Home"
Performed by Chantal Kreviazuk
*Original song by Randy Newman, recorded by Chantal specifically for the Dawson's Creek Album and show. April 1999.

You know who you are and I would like to thank you for the song. Now, I have to get hold of the sheet music so that the next time we see each other, I will be the one playing the piano and creating beautiful music. Love you so much!

What Happened?

i can't help but think, nasaan na ang nagpadala ng SMS na merong ganitong mga kataga sa akin: "no matter what we will always be here for you in thick and thin, and we know that you will be there for us too.."

tatahimik ako like i promised to my dearest of friends (moises, zarah, cherryl, melissa, rachelle, elline, and jannice), pero sana sa aking pagtahimik may magandang kalabasan. masakit at mahirap tumahimik at hindi magparamdam, pero gagawin ko.


i'll do the walk, i'll do the talk. i'll smile and laugh again and i'll stop crying. i'll do it all for myself. so that i could stand straight, walk with head held up high and wickedly wave to everyone i know.

i gave my all and i was dumped, but this is not the end of the line for me, not the end of the line... another chapter of my life ended, and i'm turning a new page for another chapter.

new faces, new challenges, and there maybe sadness, there maybe laughter, but for sure, there will be lots of good food and dancing... play on!

Feeling Blue...

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. - Maya Angelou

Jannice, thank you very much. Now I know who is real and whose reel.

Thank you for letting me lean on you for awhile. Thank you for being there for me.

Thank you for being one of those rare people who is a real friend for life.

To Realize

To realize the value of a sister ask someone who doesn't have one.
To realize the value of ten years, ask a newly divorced couple.
To realize the value of four years, ask a graduate.
To realize the value of one year, ask a student who has failed a final exam.
To realize The value of nine months, ask a mother who gave birth to a stillborn.
To realize the value of one month, ask a mother who has given birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of one week, ask an editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of one minute, ask a person who has missed the train, bus or plane.
To realize the value of one-second, ask a person who has survived an accident.
Time waits for no one.
Treasure every moment you have.
You will treasure it even more when you can share it with someone special.

As always, value family and friends.

Another Chapter Ends

I closed another chapter of my life. I spent five months and fourteen days with a firm that I considered one of my “babies”. I given a lot (all aspects!) for my kids and yet I was screwed by the system.

Much as I want to stay and sacrifice my mind, health and heart, I left with deep thoughts. My humble heart is still hurting and I cannot even breathe properly since I still cannot release all the pain and hate. For sure, it would take me days or maybe months before I am back to my old self. Sayang ang lahat ng pinuhunan ko. Sayang pati ang emotional investment ko! I worked my butt off for the five months and fourteen days! I sacrificed a lot just to be there for the firm.

What are the sacrifices I did just to be able to perform? I was not able to attend my sister’s graduation rites at USF! I gave up my social and love life. I altered my chores, I ignored my parent’ plea and yet I did not get anything in return. I got no appreciation, no pat in the back and totally no kindness.

As a Senior Quality Assurance Officer/Senior Metadata Specialist, my work goes beyond the traditional role of a librarian and a metadata specialist. My work is primarily geared towards developing and facilitating information exchange in the whole firm that I had developed. On my part, I felt that I was not treated justly towards my work and my productivity. My integrity and professional capacity have been questioned and in this regard, I believe that relations have been strained. I find it impossible to continue working in the office given this situation.

At exactly 7:00pm last night, my superior accepted and received my resignation letter. I was happy but sad. I am sad because I will be a professional bum (I do not know for how long!) and happy because I will not see the evils of the jungle.

I am also sad because I will miss my nine kids. Although from the nine kids, I know that two kids will stick like glue even though they will not see me 24/7. I wish that all kids will not change and treat me differently. I also wish that on the personal level, we would all still be friends. For my part, I wish that I would be able to move on.

I have to stand up with my head held up high and walk with pride and a smile in a face!

Para sa aking pamilya na aking pinagtabuyan ng sapilitan alang-alang sa ikabubuti ng buhay ng lahat, maraming salamat sa lahat ng ating pinagsamahan, hindi ko makakalimutan ang mga oras na tayo'y magkakasama sa hirap at ginhawa. hanggang sa huling minuto ng aking pagtigil sa KDAS, kayo ang inisip ko at pilit kong pinagtanggol. sana hindi kayo magbago. galingan ninyo at patunayan ninyong tayo ang tama at hindi tayo ang mali. linisin ang mga pangalan ng mga taong nadamay sa maling paghuhusga. isipin ninyo palagi na lagi akong nasa tabi ninyo, nakangiti, nangangalingasaw ng RL Romance at laging may bitbit na pasalubong para sa inyong lahat. hindi ko kayo makakalimutan at lagi ko pa rin kayong maaalala. alam ninyo kung saan ako makikita...

Abbie, pangalawa ka sa pinakamatagal kong nakasama. sa simula't simula wala akong tinago sa iyo. sana hanggang sa dulo ng walang hanggan ay ganuon pa rin. hanggang sa huling pagkakataon, ang turing ko sa iyong 9 ay bilang isang buong team. pinagtanggol ko kayong lahat kahit na inako ko lahat ng mali, kahit hindi ko mali at ako ang nawalan, ginawa ko. sana, ganun rin ang gawin mo sa mga naiwan ko. wag mo silang hayaang matulad sa akin. ikaw na ngayon ang pinakamatandang tauhan simula mamayang 8am.

si iyra na isang cum laude at isang buenrostro! magagalit panigurado si kuya laki at hindi na makakapante si sir buen kapag nalaman na hindi na ako ang iyong "madame". sayang at sandali lang ang ating pagsasamahan, dami pa sana tayong chikahan. heto lang, kung paano kita pinagtanggol nung una, hanggang sa huling sandali, hindi ko kayo nilaglag. patunayan mo sa kanila na ikaw ay si iyra s. buenrostro.

ang katuwang ni mike bilang bodyguard ko sa ating munting opisina. ang chickboy sa KDAS, ang minimithi ni JP at sinisipat-sipat. kaunti na lang at baka mamaya eh kaya mo na siyang paikutin sa iyong mga kamay. ha, ha, ha. joke lang pare! sa lahat ng mga messages mo, sobra akong natouch, di ko akalain na ganuon kalaki ang naging impluwensiya ng aking presence sa buhay mo. salamat at wag kang magalala di kita makakalimutan.

mike, salamat! ikaw na isa sa mga bodyguards ko sa loob ng ating munting opisina. sayang at sandali lang ang ating pagsasama. nanghihinayang ako at ganun kaigsi ang oras na naibahagi ko sa inyo. mabuti na lang at habang maaga ay nakapagsousaku at pho hoa pa tayo. wag mong intindihin ang mga sinasabi nila, panindigan mo na tama ka at meron kang kakayahan! wag ka ng malelate! tagay tayo ulit ha!

si jeremy na katipan ni joenabie. sayang at di na kami ulit magkakasama ni joenabie pero atleast nakakapagtext pa kaming dalawa at chat. jer, isang pakiusap po, bantayan mo at tulungan mo lagi ang "little brother" ko. kailangan niya ng sandalan na katulad mo at alam kong maaasahan kita.

sheryl, kahit hindi ako ang bestfriend mo dito, salamat sa lahat ng mga magagandang verses na pinapadala mo, sana sa susunod, wag mong gamitin ang mga shortcuts sa akin kapag nagtetext at sa YM, mahina ako makaintindi sa mga shortcuts sa SMS.

ang aking unang upuan na siyang upuan na niya sa kanyang pagpasok, saling talino sa isa sa pinakamamahal ko sa KDAS.

wag ka ng malungkot! gusto ko sa pagpasok mo sa mga susunod na araw, isipin mo lamang ang lahat ng masasaya nating mga araw na magkasama. nasa tabi mo pa rin ako, isang YM lang sa akin. mamimiss ko jean lahat ng mga yakap mo at paglalambing!

para sa aking "alas"! isa pang mahigpit na yakap. mary jean, hinding hindi kita makakalimutan. halos iisa ang ating mga hilig at paniniwala, saludo ako sa iyo katukayo!

si ka roger na kabiyak ni jannice. kahit di kami ganuon magkakilala sulit na ang panahon na pinagsamahan namin para maturing na isang kaibigan, isang totoong tao na alam mong dadamay sa hirap at ginhawa. aantayin ko ang muling pagawit mo sa akin.

jannice, itigil mo muna ang pagluha. sa aking pagtalikod at sa ating pagkikitang muli, saka na natin ibuhos lahat ng ating kayang iluha. sa oras na ito, di ko kailangang makita ang mga luha mo. lalo lang nabigat ang puso ko. salamat sa lahat!

mike, jeremy, marvin, jean at michelle

marvin, sheryl, rae, ja, roger at iyra

isa lang ang masasabi ko: sa lahat ng aking napasukan, dito ako naging masaya lalo na't sa ganitong mga salu-salo. maulit pa kayang muli?

si raf at mitch: ang dalawang tao na laging nasa tabi ko sa hirap at ginhawa. si raphael na punong puno ng galit at pagaalala at hiya sa aking sinapit sa kanyang mga kamag-anak na halos hindi ako kinausap at tinitignan habang nasa loob ng opisina kanina. ang batang kulang na lang isalba ako ng ilang beses at pilit nililinis at inaayos ang tama alangalang sa pagmamahal sa nakakatandang kapatid at sa kanyang "sugar mommy". salamat sa lahat ng pagtatanggol, pagmamahal at proteksyon. alam mong lahat yan ay nakalista sa aking puso. ang bata na kung tawagin ko nung mga nakaraang buwan ay "hudas" ang siya palang "anghel" sa buhay ko sa KDAS.

si mitch na bebz ni raf, kahit hindi kabilang sa KDAS tulad ni roger, ay kapuso ko rin. wala akong masasabi na kaya kong isulat dito para mabasa ng lahat. sa aming tatlo na lang ang lahat. si michelle na ang aking masahista at ang sinasabi nilang "karibal" na pilit nilang ginugulo at kinaiingitan. wala akong magagawa. wala pa nga silang nakikita at nalalaman, naiingit at nagseselos na sila. hayaan at tayo'y masaya sa lahat ng ating ginagawa. snuchis buchis!

kahit anong pagod at hirap, naubos namin ang aming huling pagsasalu-salo bilang isang buong pamilya. basta manok at kanin, sabak sa kainan.

jannice, kaya ko bang wala ka? paano na ang aking mga pangangailangan? ikaw na laging nagaalala sa akin katulad ni raphael. makakaya ko ba ang bagong umaga? hindi ko na kayo makikita at makakasama ng 24/7. kakayanin ko alang alang sa ikauunlad at ikabubuti ng mga "hayop sa kagubatan".

hanggang sa huling sandali, pinipilit ng lahat ang ngumiti! huling alaala sa aking mga naging kapamilya sa loob ng limang buwan at labing-apat na araw!

maraming salamat sa inyong lahat.

Questions

How do you know if a relationship is worth fighting for?

How do you know if the person you are in a relationship with now is THE ONE?

How do you JUST KNOW?

When do you say that you have had enough? Where do you draw the line between appreciating what you have and standing up for what you want and how you feel?

*****

The sweetest text message I got in a really long time ...

"I admired you before and I admire you until now. Hindi na magbabago yon. I really find you attractive. College pa lang, crush na kita. Hindi ka ba nagtataka how I clearly remember how you looked like before kahit I never got the chance to know you? Kaya nga I'm really lucky to have you as my friend."

Hmpft. Tonto ka. Eh di sana ... You know what's funny and creepy at the same time? This person (he's a HE, ok?) called me Rae. Only my (ex) boyfriend who's now in San Diego called me that nickname. Lintek.

Maybe I am just placing too much meaning on the situation. Then again, maybe not. EWAN.

Positive Thinking

Get Clear on What You Want: Write a list of what you need right now. Keep your focus on what you want, not on what you do not want. Then, maintain an attitude of surrender about how it will come to you. The universe has been known to create minor miracles such as causing the sun to come up every morning and go down every night. Perhaps you might allow it to help you create an answer to your personal needs right now.

Stop Worrying: Worrying is a choice and it is always counter-productive. After all, worrying does not bring more into your life. When you catch yourself worrying, shift your focus. Tell yourself, "Today (or this moment) I'm choosing not to worry." With faith and an attitude of trust, you will be more open and receptive to the thoughts, feelings and impulses from the universe that direct you toward better health.

Watch for Miracles to Occur: Know that you are in the process of creating a solution to your crisis. The universe is on your side. You are not alone. The answer may not come all at once. Begin to look for evidence that things are turning around for you.

Make a Commitment to Stay Positive: We all have the habit of repeating unconstructive thoughts to ourselves when we are under pressure. What thoughts do you have? A common one I hear often is, "I'm so stressed out!" Be vigilant about nipping those negative thought spirals in the bud. Pessimistic thinking often precedes an emotional crash, and you cannot afford one of those when you are in a health crisis.

Following are some affirming thoughts that will help you stay positive. Pick one that works for you. The intention is to make you feel better so that you can stay open to incoming intuitive guidance that will lead you out of the current situation:

"This is just temporary; things are beginning to turn around." "I am open to new avenues of better health." "I live in an abundant universe; I will have everything I need." "Good thoughts and good health flow to me from all directions."

Write down several statements that make you feel better and replace those nasty negative thoughts with some good ones.

Acknowledge the Abundance You Already Have. Make a point of looking around you throughout the day and consciously focusing on the wonder and love that exists around you. Take a walk and breathe in the air. No lack there! Depending on where you live and what season it is, take in the profusion of sand, snow, leaves, trees or grass that fill your surroundings. Go to a grocery store and marvel at the large quantity of fruits and vegetables. In addition, do not overlook the intangibles like the fact that you may have wonderful friends.

Your goal here is to keep your focus off the illusion of what you are lacking and on the reality of true abundance. Every time you appreciate the wealth that exists in you and around you, you are reminding yourself that you are on a planet that is chock-full of everything you need.

Expect Wonderful Things. I believe that the universe is a vast, magnificent system of abundance. The way we receive this wealth is through ideas, thoughts and opportunities. It also comes through connections to people, events and circumstances. We are given ideas to grow on and where we can learn new things and be able to contribute to our community.

Always be reminded that often all it takes are very simple shifts of attitude to invite health and prosperity into your life. Loving yourself opens the path for more love from the universe.