Farewell to 2005

Before you flip your calendar
To start a New Year bright,
Reflect for just a moment on
The year that ends tonight.

Each joy and every heartache
Has been etched into your heart,
But in a few short hours you
May make a brand new start.

As you review the days and weeks
That simply seemed to fly,
Would you say fortune smiled on you
Or did she pass you by?

Since it's not wise to dwell upon
Those days that made you cry,
The thing to do is set your sights
And aim right at the sky.

Forget those tears and sorrow
As you bid the old, "Adieu,"
And welcome in the New Year,
It's dawning ... just for you!

~ Author Unknown ~

Surviving the Holidays

The holidays we celebrate are meant to reflect traditions, life changes, special occasions and those special times that are sentimental to us over the year.

How often have you found yourself so overwhelmed and stressed-out by your have-to-do lists and obligations that the true essence of the occasion is lost.

There are many unique and satisfying ways to celebrate that do not necessarily "drain" either you or your pocketbook. In an environment that encourages each of us to over spend, over buy and over do, it is especially important to keep the focus on the real meanings of Faith, Hope, and Charity.

Now is the time to take "stock" of what really is important to you and encourage others to emulate positive living and carry out random acts of kindness which will continue to have impact long after the holidays have passed. Remember the less fortunate by volunteering at a senior's home or homeless shelter. Often the gift of your time and talents is worth much more than a physical gift.


Create your own family traditions. Take on a new event such as a family walk after the festive meal or add a prayer of thankfulness to the celebration. Do what you can and forget about the rest. And most of all remember the three G's Generosity... Goodwill.... and Gratitude.

Loving Thoughts

I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

While cherishing special moments, be reminded that whatever happens, happens for a reason.

Little Creatures Can Teach us Big Lessons

Few people appreciate mice. To most of us, they are dirty, annoying little creatures who destroy property and invade our personal space. A mouse will make its way through the smallest of openings to come into your home and help itself to the best you have to offer, leaving its droppings behind. Ever try to catch a mouse? They will dodge your broom as they scurry into a hole you never knew existed, leaving you out of breath and out of control! Then there is another side of the mouse you may have never considered.

Because mice are so small, they have the ability to get into places and to see things that other creatures can't. In other words, mice see opportunities that other creatures miss. At the same time, mice are a source of food for many other animals. For this reason, they must be very careful about how they move, where they move and when they move. They don't eat from every hand. They must first know you and feel comfortable around you. Mice know that they must be flexible in order to get into and out of tight places safely. The mouse teaches us to pay attention to details. Things like cheese in a trap! Mice know that there are details, which if ignored, could cost you your hide.

Caution in movement. Focus of direction. Scrutiny of association. Flexibility. The mouse teaches us that it is possible to move in and out of the experiences of our lives without being trapped. The key is to be aware of what you are doing at all times.

Set aside any dislike of little creeping things. Instead, examine how their example could help you.

Divine Profits and Losses

Few of us understand why we are here. We have some vague ideas but are not really sure why we are on the planet at this time. We know that something is going on but we may not be sure exactly what it is. For those who are seeking enlightenment about their purpose in the Divine Plan, here are a few tips.

You are here:

To gain character as you lose ego. To gain integrity as you lose dishonesty. To gain strength as you lose fear. To gain compassion as you lose disappointment. To gain discipline as you lose willfulness. To gain equality as you lose separation. To gain appreciation as you lose resentment. To gain enthusiasm as you lose hostility. To gain tenderness as you lose rigidity. To gain boldness as you lose bitterness. To gain optimism as you lose inadequacy. To gain excitement as you lose embarrassment. To gain gratitude as you lose greed. To gain love as you lose ignorance.

As you surrender one thing, you gain something to replace it. Live life like it is a spiritual stock market...cut your losses and celebrate your gains.

Loving in Unloving Ways is Not Love at All

You can usually tell when someone is afraid of love. They simply will not let you into their heart. A person who is afraid of love will behave in the most inappropriate ways in an effort to turn you off. A person who is afraid of love will find all sorts of things wrong with who they are and will point these things out to you. They will also find all sorts of things wrong with you, which they will also point out. People who are afraid of love cannot not give it, nor can they receive it. They will have so many barriers and defenses that you will end up asking yourself, "Why am I trying to get through this stuff?"

A person who is afraid of love may believe that they will not measure up to what you expect of them. Often, this is because they have not lived up to what they expect of them self. A person who is afraid of love will pull you in and out like a yo-yo. Today they want you, tomorrow they do not. The closer you get, the faster they run. The more you give, the more they want. You will never be able to prove yourself to a person who is afraid of love because they do not want to believe you!

When you find yourself trying to love a person who demonstrates that they are not willing to be loved, stop yourself! Stop trying to force them to accept what they obviously do not want or cannot handle. Stop making excuses for them. Stop accepting their excuses. It is very unloving to push someone beyond the point they are willing to go.

You may not have understood that trying to love someone who does not want to be loved is an invasion. Or that an invasion is not a loving act. Ask yourself if you are trying to force love on someone. If the love you are offering another is not being welcomed or invited in, back up!

Life Does Not Have to be Hard

When we are not clear that we are worthy, worthwhile and valuable beings, we believe that life must be hard. This belief will bring into your experience difficult situations that you will have to fight your way through. On the other end of the fight, you can sit back and marvel at what you have done. You have bragging rights about what you have been through and come through. You are a fighter! It may be difficult for you to understand that you are creating these situations to support the subconscious belief that you do not deserve to live a joy-filled or peaceful life.

Just because you can take a punch does not mean that you must make yourself a punching bag! When we learn how to duck and dodge the punches life sends our way, this process of living can become an exhausting habit. There are people who are in the habit of living hard lives. When you expect to be punched, and you are always looking for the fist, it comes, again and again. Eventually, you become punch drunk - waiting to be knocked down so that you can prove that you cannot be or will not be knocked out.

Life does not have to be hard! There is a good reason for you to be beaten up by the conditions in your life. If this is happening to you check out your expectations. Check to make sure that you are not waiting for the next disaster to strike, just to prove that you can take it.

You may not have been aware of the role your thoughts, words, and expectations play in the creation of your life experiences. You may be creating pain in your life as a reflection of the belief that you are not worthy of anything else. Refuse to fight your way through life...open your mind and your heart, asking that they be filled with a vision and an expectation of a joy-filled and peaceful future.

Counting My Blessings...

This Christmas I'm reminded how blessed I am,
You've been by my side all year long,
Keeping me company, keeping me strong,
Sharing my joys, my not-so-good times,
Giving me comfort, giving advice,
Showing me kindness from a sincere heart,
Proving that a real friend is a work of art...

So this Christmas as I'm counting my blessings,
All through my list I'll be counting you,
For the care that you give and good that you do...
I am so truly blessed to have friends like you.

Celebration of Love

Beneath all the pain, the disappointment, the resentment and fear that your life will never be as you want it to be, there is love. There is a memory of the touch, the feel, the excitement of love. There is a yearning to know and experience that expression of love. Go there! Be there! Celebrate the love that you buried in your heart.

When you celebrate love, the unconditional love that lies beneath all the experiences you have witnessed and participated in, you find a degree of understanding that diminishes mental and emotional anguish. The love beneath the hurt and pain of your life will not allow you to blame anyone. It will stop you from judging yourself and others. The love beneath your pain and the fear of pain will help you to become aware of all the things that you told yourself about love that were just fantasies. Love will remind you not to be upset when the fantasy is revealed. It will remind you of the truth you knew in the first place. The love that lies beneath what happened, will remind you that you have not been rejected, abandoned, abused, or defeated. You were simply being given an opportunity to remember that there is a place within you in which you can find everything you need or thought you lost or wished that you had more of. Go there. Be there. Rest there. The only thing that you need to do to find the love in you is to remember, Divine Love has brought you this far.

You may have forgotten that beneath everything that you have experienced, there is Divine Love. Look for the love within and beneath every experience. Remember all of the love that you have given and received. Fill your heart and mind with thoughts of love. Then celebrate yourself for recognizing love.

Everyone needs a friend like you....

To help them out,
To talk them through,
Tough times and bad situations,
Life's constant up's and downs,
Daily unforeseen complications....

Everyone needs a friend like you,
To share a smile here and there,
A giggle and laughter too
Someone who really does care,
And accepts you for you.


Everyone needs a friend like you!

Christmas Wishes

I wish you the joy of Christmas
The spirit's sweet repose,

I wish you the peace of Christmas
To mark the old year's close;

I wish you the hope of Christmas
To cheer you on your way.

And a heart of faith and gladness
to face each coming day.

Merry Christmas!

Cultivating Emotional Detachment

Do you ever find yourself acting like an emotional vacuum cleaner, swooping into the corners of other people's pain and sucking it up as if it were your own? Although we may think that this is the loving thing to do, it's not. It is important that we emphasize - understand and comprehend another's feelings - but it is equally important that we try not to sympathize - allow other's feelings to affect us in a similar fashion. Sympathizing does not eliminate the other person's distress and it renders us less capable of being supportive, because we become swept away by our own feelings instead of able to concentrate on their experience.

An effective way to support others who are in pain is to cultivate compassionate detachment. Compassionate detachment asks that we feel deeply for another person, and understand the extent of her pain, without immersing ourselves in it or assuming responsibility to solve it or make it better. Compassionately paying attention to someone's distress is more constructive than attempting to fix it. Each person must find his or her own solutions, but being supported and encouraged along the way is a wonderful gift.


Compassionate detachment frees us from "sympathy pains" and allows us to be truly involved with others by providing empathetic comfort, encouragement, and support.

Healing through Feeling

Sometimes we find ourselves suppressing or denying our feelings for fear others will not allow, understand, or accept them if they are voiced. Only through honoring and acknowledging what we really feel can we heal and move on. Many times we are discouraged from sharing, or even knowing, our true feelings.

In the face of such attitudes, it takes deep courage to allow ourselves to explore and express our true feelings. We can help ourselves resist the seductive Dragon of Denial by reminding ourselves frequently that we each have a right and a responsibility to experience our feelings.

Our physical bodies offer good examples of "healing through feeling." When we get the measles or chicken pox, for example, we feel sick for a while and then we become immune to that particular disease. Our bodies intuitively know that to move through the illness is to move toward healing.

Sharing to everyone that the same wisdom is valid for our emotional disease. As we move through our feelings, express them, learn from them, and allow them to heal, we become free of them.

Just a Few More Winks!

Oiling Our Apparatus Aerobically

Often our lives are so hectic we feel we must cut corners somewhere in order to have time for everything. Exercise is frequently one of the things we cut. Yet, if we do not exercise aerobically at least three times a week, we are wreaking havoc on our bodies. Aerobic exercise is necessary to oxygenate our blood, revitalize our immune system, and keep our muscles healthy and supple.

Aerobic exercise is also good for the psyche. When we are depressed, sad, or confused, exercising helps us dispel the cobwebs. That is because one of the greatest side effects of aerobic exercise is the reduction of stress. We can begin exercising feeling stressed and depressed, and end the session feeling relaxed and alert through the body's release of its natural tranquilizers.

When our bodies are fit, well oiled with exercise, everything else becomes easier. Starting small is important so that we do not get discouraged - we can take a ten-minute walk, or ride a bike for five minutes - and, if possible, it's good to make a pact with a friend in order to support and encourage each other. The hardest part of exercising consistently is initially making the decision, and then setting aside the time in our schedule. Chances are, if we can stick to an exercise program for six months, we will be so happy with how we feel, that we will be hooked - and healthier - for life.

Be reminded that although it may be difficult, being kind to ourselves by having the courage to commit to an aerobic exercise program will enhance our health and sense of well-being.

Filling Ourselves First

We know it is important for our sense of well-being to give. In fact, there have been scientific studies which show that the immune system responds positively when we help others and can be activated by merely watching a film about someone helping others.

But it is not healthy to give until we feel drained, used, and deprived. Such giving can be laced with hostility, resentment, anger, and the unspoken message. "Now you owe me!" This is not loving; this is bartering. We love best from a sense of overflow. When we are brimming with the energy that comes with having the courage to take care of ourselves first, our love and caring are freely given gifts, with nothing expected in return.

Our minds may tell us that filling ourselves first is an act of selfishness - it seems to go against society's dictum, that it is more blessed to give than to receive. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to realize that filling ourselves is essential. It takes even more courage to know how to do it, especially if we are out of the habit of thinking about nourishing ourselves.

To help move into the healthy pattern of filling yourself, ask yourself these questions and jot down the answers. What small step can I take today to allow time for myself to fill and refill?

Always remember that we can do ourselves, and those we love, a favor by having the courage to fill our life's vase, by making a commitment to ourselves that, in order to be a free-flowing, clear fountain of love, we will fill ourselves first.

Uprooting "Rootless" Fears

We may decide there is nothing to do but live with a fear that seems irrational to us and grit our teeth in an attempt to bear with it. But there is a healthier way for us to proceed if we are experiencing fears that seem rootless, out of proportion to the apparent cause, or have no logical basis.

We need to give ourselves a priceless gift: time to explore confusing fears. The unknown can be so frightening that confronting fears, the origins of which we can only guess, takes tremendous courage. But it is also freeing, for only when fears are brought to conscious awareness will we be able to discover how to heal them. As long as fears are kept hidden, we are held helplessly in their grasp.

Since the root of our fears most often lies in childhood, we can expect to experience childlike feelings while rediscovering them. Seeking emotional support at such times is not dependence; it is wisdom. Taking the risk and having the courage to examine our seemingly rootless fears is best done in a protected and supportive environment.

Be reminded that before we begin to explore our inner demons, we need to find a person or a group with whom we feel safe, people we can trust implicitly with our vulnerability. It is okay to reach out and ask for assistance. In fact, it is essential.

Laughing with Our Klutz

It takes courage to laugh, to have a sense of humor. Why? Because when something is really funny it is a reflection of our own foibles and weaknesses, those things about ourselves which make us cringe. To have a good sense of humor, we must be able to not take ourselves too seriously - to increase our ability to laugh with, not at, ourselves as we stumble and stagger through the comedy of life.

This is especially difficult for women because we have been taught that how we look is incredibly important. As young people, we are definitely encouraged to be aware of what the neighbors would think, and that left many of us fearful of being judged if we acted in an unladylike manner. Becoming comfortable with ourselves when we have egg on our faces as well when we are doing things perfectly is a challenge, but ultimately makes us more fun to be around.

Helen was terrified of appearing foolish in front of others because she was afraid they would reject her. But that was really only her surface belief. Her deep, underlying conviction was that she was only lovable if she was perfect. When she began to change that belief by assuring herself she would love herself as a queen or a klutz, in strength and vulnerability, slim or chubby, she began to enjoy herself more. In fact, she has become so good at loving and reassuring her insecure inner child that she actually gets a kick out of her klutzy self now.

We can do as Helen did. Instead of seeing our klutzy self as a part of us we must hide, we can choose to view it as a charming and irresistible free spirit.

Refocusing Our Binoculars

All too often, we are overly self-critical. We believe that it is more acceptable for us to maximize our shortcomings and minimize our strengths. We have learned that it is not proper to toot our own horns.

Self-critical people see their mistakes leaping before them festooned with neon lights, while their triumphs wither from lack of attention. They look at their real or imagined shortcomings through powerful binoculars and look at their good points and successes, if at all, through the wrong end of the binoculars. Failures loom large and ominous, and successes look like specks on the horizon, mere accidents of nature.

It is courageous to refocus our binoculars, to give ourselves permission to move beyond self-critical thought patterns and realize what fantastic people we are. We can learn to "SEE": Savor Excellence Everyday by becoming an honest and appreciative mirror for ourselves. We choose to focus on the good in ourselves, learning from the things that we wish we had done better without allowing ourselves to magnify them out of proportion.

Making a list of things, we like and admire about ourselves and tucking it in our purse is a good way to help us reinforce change. If we notice ourselves focusing on the negatives about ourselves, we can take out our list, read it, and then add another positive to it. Maybe our positive will be that we noticed when our binoculars needed refocusing - that is a great habit breaker.

Kicking the Worry Habit

Worry is a habit that knocks the support right out from under us. So one of the most "freeing" changes we can make in our lives is to kick the worry habit. Since most habits are learned, it's important for us to ask where we learned to worry.

Joseph was a chronic worrier who hoped he could find relief from depression and insomnia. He said, "I was raised on worry and secondhand smoke, and I inhaled and absorbed the worry as much as I did the smoke".

Joseph explored the often unspoken but nevertheless powerful beliefs his parents had bequeathed. The majority of them were based on the assumptions that life was difficult, money was hard to come by, and God was a stern and punishing father. Joseph learned to believe that it never rained but it poured, there was never enough to go around, and that guilt was the only thing that could prevent him from being "condemned." Is it any wonder that Joseph became a worrier?

The only lasting antidote for chronic worry is faith, faith in the good, faith that the Universal Mystery is for us rather than against us. If we have learned to believe in the unfortunate and hateful, we have the ability to change that and come to believe in goodness and love. I know it's possible because Joseph did it, and so did I. As Joseph was starting to change his belief system, I gave him a little card that read, "Sometimes we have many reasons to be unhappy and not many reasons to be happy. Our task is to be unreasonably happy."

Always be reminded that if you are plagued by the worry habit, simply becoming aware of worry when it overtakes you and deciding to affirm that life is good will set your feet firmly on the road to kicking the worry habit. What we believe is our choice and we can support ourselves by choosing to be faith-filled and happy - even unreasonably so.

Excusing Is Often Inexcusable

To enjoy intimate and authentic relationships, we must be able to understand and forgive others and ourselves. But we women sometimes confuse excusing with understanding and forgiving. Excusing, a codependent and childish habit, is the first cousin of denial. Excusing others and ourselves lets us off the hook by not addressing the consequences or responsibilities of our behavior. Alcoholic families frequently "pivot" around excuses.

Inherent in the process of excusing is our willingness to take responsibility for the actions of others. Continually excusing unacceptable actions does not create a climate that fosters growth and learning, in fact it may be an implied put-down. When we excuse the inexcusable, we are subtly saying that the person who is excused is not capable of right behavior.

On the other hand, understanding is a strong strand in our emotional safety net. Understanding our own and others' actions and attitudes provides an honest framework in which we can create an atmosphere of acceptance and forgiveness - an environment in which people and relationships can mature and thrive.

Understanding requires commitment, energy, and the willingness to be with others and ourselves in a heartfelt and open way. We need to make the effort to search for the causes and motives behind our own negative behaviors or attitudes and do what is necessary to heal them. Of course we can't do that for others, but we can tell them when their behavior is unacceptable to us and gently remove ourselves from their presence.

Excusing may be initially more effortless than awareness, but it does not lead to intimacy, honesty, or authenticity.

12 Step Program of Recovery for Web Addicts

I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

I will get dressed before noon.

I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

I will read a book...if I still remember how.

I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!