Farewell to 2005

Before you flip your calendar
To start a New Year bright,
Reflect for just a moment on
The year that ends tonight.

Each joy and every heartache
Has been etched into your heart,
But in a few short hours you
May make a brand new start.

As you review the days and weeks
That simply seemed to fly,
Would you say fortune smiled on you
Or did she pass you by?

Since it's not wise to dwell upon
Those days that made you cry,
The thing to do is set your sights
And aim right at the sky.

Forget those tears and sorrow
As you bid the old, "Adieu,"
And welcome in the New Year,
It's dawning ... just for you!

~ Author Unknown ~

Surviving the Holidays

The holidays we celebrate are meant to reflect traditions, life changes, special occasions and those special times that are sentimental to us over the year.

How often have you found yourself so overwhelmed and stressed-out by your have-to-do lists and obligations that the true essence of the occasion is lost.

There are many unique and satisfying ways to celebrate that do not necessarily "drain" either you or your pocketbook. In an environment that encourages each of us to over spend, over buy and over do, it is especially important to keep the focus on the real meanings of Faith, Hope, and Charity.

Now is the time to take "stock" of what really is important to you and encourage others to emulate positive living and carry out random acts of kindness which will continue to have impact long after the holidays have passed. Remember the less fortunate by volunteering at a senior's home or homeless shelter. Often the gift of your time and talents is worth much more than a physical gift.


Create your own family traditions. Take on a new event such as a family walk after the festive meal or add a prayer of thankfulness to the celebration. Do what you can and forget about the rest. And most of all remember the three G's Generosity... Goodwill.... and Gratitude.

Loving Thoughts

I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.

No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.

Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.

Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.

While cherishing special moments, be reminded that whatever happens, happens for a reason.

Little Creatures Can Teach us Big Lessons

Few people appreciate mice. To most of us, they are dirty, annoying little creatures who destroy property and invade our personal space. A mouse will make its way through the smallest of openings to come into your home and help itself to the best you have to offer, leaving its droppings behind. Ever try to catch a mouse? They will dodge your broom as they scurry into a hole you never knew existed, leaving you out of breath and out of control! Then there is another side of the mouse you may have never considered.

Because mice are so small, they have the ability to get into places and to see things that other creatures can't. In other words, mice see opportunities that other creatures miss. At the same time, mice are a source of food for many other animals. For this reason, they must be very careful about how they move, where they move and when they move. They don't eat from every hand. They must first know you and feel comfortable around you. Mice know that they must be flexible in order to get into and out of tight places safely. The mouse teaches us to pay attention to details. Things like cheese in a trap! Mice know that there are details, which if ignored, could cost you your hide.

Caution in movement. Focus of direction. Scrutiny of association. Flexibility. The mouse teaches us that it is possible to move in and out of the experiences of our lives without being trapped. The key is to be aware of what you are doing at all times.

Set aside any dislike of little creeping things. Instead, examine how their example could help you.

Divine Profits and Losses

Few of us understand why we are here. We have some vague ideas but are not really sure why we are on the planet at this time. We know that something is going on but we may not be sure exactly what it is. For those who are seeking enlightenment about their purpose in the Divine Plan, here are a few tips.

You are here:

To gain character as you lose ego. To gain integrity as you lose dishonesty. To gain strength as you lose fear. To gain compassion as you lose disappointment. To gain discipline as you lose willfulness. To gain equality as you lose separation. To gain appreciation as you lose resentment. To gain enthusiasm as you lose hostility. To gain tenderness as you lose rigidity. To gain boldness as you lose bitterness. To gain optimism as you lose inadequacy. To gain excitement as you lose embarrassment. To gain gratitude as you lose greed. To gain love as you lose ignorance.

As you surrender one thing, you gain something to replace it. Live life like it is a spiritual stock market...cut your losses and celebrate your gains.

Loving in Unloving Ways is Not Love at All

You can usually tell when someone is afraid of love. They simply will not let you into their heart. A person who is afraid of love will behave in the most inappropriate ways in an effort to turn you off. A person who is afraid of love will find all sorts of things wrong with who they are and will point these things out to you. They will also find all sorts of things wrong with you, which they will also point out. People who are afraid of love cannot not give it, nor can they receive it. They will have so many barriers and defenses that you will end up asking yourself, "Why am I trying to get through this stuff?"

A person who is afraid of love may believe that they will not measure up to what you expect of them. Often, this is because they have not lived up to what they expect of them self. A person who is afraid of love will pull you in and out like a yo-yo. Today they want you, tomorrow they do not. The closer you get, the faster they run. The more you give, the more they want. You will never be able to prove yourself to a person who is afraid of love because they do not want to believe you!

When you find yourself trying to love a person who demonstrates that they are not willing to be loved, stop yourself! Stop trying to force them to accept what they obviously do not want or cannot handle. Stop making excuses for them. Stop accepting their excuses. It is very unloving to push someone beyond the point they are willing to go.

You may not have understood that trying to love someone who does not want to be loved is an invasion. Or that an invasion is not a loving act. Ask yourself if you are trying to force love on someone. If the love you are offering another is not being welcomed or invited in, back up!

Life Does Not Have to be Hard

When we are not clear that we are worthy, worthwhile and valuable beings, we believe that life must be hard. This belief will bring into your experience difficult situations that you will have to fight your way through. On the other end of the fight, you can sit back and marvel at what you have done. You have bragging rights about what you have been through and come through. You are a fighter! It may be difficult for you to understand that you are creating these situations to support the subconscious belief that you do not deserve to live a joy-filled or peaceful life.

Just because you can take a punch does not mean that you must make yourself a punching bag! When we learn how to duck and dodge the punches life sends our way, this process of living can become an exhausting habit. There are people who are in the habit of living hard lives. When you expect to be punched, and you are always looking for the fist, it comes, again and again. Eventually, you become punch drunk - waiting to be knocked down so that you can prove that you cannot be or will not be knocked out.

Life does not have to be hard! There is a good reason for you to be beaten up by the conditions in your life. If this is happening to you check out your expectations. Check to make sure that you are not waiting for the next disaster to strike, just to prove that you can take it.

You may not have been aware of the role your thoughts, words, and expectations play in the creation of your life experiences. You may be creating pain in your life as a reflection of the belief that you are not worthy of anything else. Refuse to fight your way through life...open your mind and your heart, asking that they be filled with a vision and an expectation of a joy-filled and peaceful future.

Counting My Blessings...

This Christmas I'm reminded how blessed I am,
You've been by my side all year long,
Keeping me company, keeping me strong,
Sharing my joys, my not-so-good times,
Giving me comfort, giving advice,
Showing me kindness from a sincere heart,
Proving that a real friend is a work of art...

So this Christmas as I'm counting my blessings,
All through my list I'll be counting you,
For the care that you give and good that you do...
I am so truly blessed to have friends like you.

Celebration of Love

Beneath all the pain, the disappointment, the resentment and fear that your life will never be as you want it to be, there is love. There is a memory of the touch, the feel, the excitement of love. There is a yearning to know and experience that expression of love. Go there! Be there! Celebrate the love that you buried in your heart.

When you celebrate love, the unconditional love that lies beneath all the experiences you have witnessed and participated in, you find a degree of understanding that diminishes mental and emotional anguish. The love beneath the hurt and pain of your life will not allow you to blame anyone. It will stop you from judging yourself and others. The love beneath your pain and the fear of pain will help you to become aware of all the things that you told yourself about love that were just fantasies. Love will remind you not to be upset when the fantasy is revealed. It will remind you of the truth you knew in the first place. The love that lies beneath what happened, will remind you that you have not been rejected, abandoned, abused, or defeated. You were simply being given an opportunity to remember that there is a place within you in which you can find everything you need or thought you lost or wished that you had more of. Go there. Be there. Rest there. The only thing that you need to do to find the love in you is to remember, Divine Love has brought you this far.

You may have forgotten that beneath everything that you have experienced, there is Divine Love. Look for the love within and beneath every experience. Remember all of the love that you have given and received. Fill your heart and mind with thoughts of love. Then celebrate yourself for recognizing love.

Everyone needs a friend like you....

To help them out,
To talk them through,
Tough times and bad situations,
Life's constant up's and downs,
Daily unforeseen complications....

Everyone needs a friend like you,
To share a smile here and there,
A giggle and laughter too
Someone who really does care,
And accepts you for you.


Everyone needs a friend like you!

Christmas Wishes

I wish you the joy of Christmas
The spirit's sweet repose,

I wish you the peace of Christmas
To mark the old year's close;

I wish you the hope of Christmas
To cheer you on your way.

And a heart of faith and gladness
to face each coming day.

Merry Christmas!

Cultivating Emotional Detachment

Do you ever find yourself acting like an emotional vacuum cleaner, swooping into the corners of other people's pain and sucking it up as if it were your own? Although we may think that this is the loving thing to do, it's not. It is important that we emphasize - understand and comprehend another's feelings - but it is equally important that we try not to sympathize - allow other's feelings to affect us in a similar fashion. Sympathizing does not eliminate the other person's distress and it renders us less capable of being supportive, because we become swept away by our own feelings instead of able to concentrate on their experience.

An effective way to support others who are in pain is to cultivate compassionate detachment. Compassionate detachment asks that we feel deeply for another person, and understand the extent of her pain, without immersing ourselves in it or assuming responsibility to solve it or make it better. Compassionately paying attention to someone's distress is more constructive than attempting to fix it. Each person must find his or her own solutions, but being supported and encouraged along the way is a wonderful gift.


Compassionate detachment frees us from "sympathy pains" and allows us to be truly involved with others by providing empathetic comfort, encouragement, and support.

Healing through Feeling

Sometimes we find ourselves suppressing or denying our feelings for fear others will not allow, understand, or accept them if they are voiced. Only through honoring and acknowledging what we really feel can we heal and move on. Many times we are discouraged from sharing, or even knowing, our true feelings.

In the face of such attitudes, it takes deep courage to allow ourselves to explore and express our true feelings. We can help ourselves resist the seductive Dragon of Denial by reminding ourselves frequently that we each have a right and a responsibility to experience our feelings.

Our physical bodies offer good examples of "healing through feeling." When we get the measles or chicken pox, for example, we feel sick for a while and then we become immune to that particular disease. Our bodies intuitively know that to move through the illness is to move toward healing.

Sharing to everyone that the same wisdom is valid for our emotional disease. As we move through our feelings, express them, learn from them, and allow them to heal, we become free of them.

Just a Few More Winks!

Oiling Our Apparatus Aerobically

Often our lives are so hectic we feel we must cut corners somewhere in order to have time for everything. Exercise is frequently one of the things we cut. Yet, if we do not exercise aerobically at least three times a week, we are wreaking havoc on our bodies. Aerobic exercise is necessary to oxygenate our blood, revitalize our immune system, and keep our muscles healthy and supple.

Aerobic exercise is also good for the psyche. When we are depressed, sad, or confused, exercising helps us dispel the cobwebs. That is because one of the greatest side effects of aerobic exercise is the reduction of stress. We can begin exercising feeling stressed and depressed, and end the session feeling relaxed and alert through the body's release of its natural tranquilizers.

When our bodies are fit, well oiled with exercise, everything else becomes easier. Starting small is important so that we do not get discouraged - we can take a ten-minute walk, or ride a bike for five minutes - and, if possible, it's good to make a pact with a friend in order to support and encourage each other. The hardest part of exercising consistently is initially making the decision, and then setting aside the time in our schedule. Chances are, if we can stick to an exercise program for six months, we will be so happy with how we feel, that we will be hooked - and healthier - for life.

Be reminded that although it may be difficult, being kind to ourselves by having the courage to commit to an aerobic exercise program will enhance our health and sense of well-being.

Filling Ourselves First

We know it is important for our sense of well-being to give. In fact, there have been scientific studies which show that the immune system responds positively when we help others and can be activated by merely watching a film about someone helping others.

But it is not healthy to give until we feel drained, used, and deprived. Such giving can be laced with hostility, resentment, anger, and the unspoken message. "Now you owe me!" This is not loving; this is bartering. We love best from a sense of overflow. When we are brimming with the energy that comes with having the courage to take care of ourselves first, our love and caring are freely given gifts, with nothing expected in return.

Our minds may tell us that filling ourselves first is an act of selfishness - it seems to go against society's dictum, that it is more blessed to give than to receive. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to realize that filling ourselves is essential. It takes even more courage to know how to do it, especially if we are out of the habit of thinking about nourishing ourselves.

To help move into the healthy pattern of filling yourself, ask yourself these questions and jot down the answers. What small step can I take today to allow time for myself to fill and refill?

Always remember that we can do ourselves, and those we love, a favor by having the courage to fill our life's vase, by making a commitment to ourselves that, in order to be a free-flowing, clear fountain of love, we will fill ourselves first.

Uprooting "Rootless" Fears

We may decide there is nothing to do but live with a fear that seems irrational to us and grit our teeth in an attempt to bear with it. But there is a healthier way for us to proceed if we are experiencing fears that seem rootless, out of proportion to the apparent cause, or have no logical basis.

We need to give ourselves a priceless gift: time to explore confusing fears. The unknown can be so frightening that confronting fears, the origins of which we can only guess, takes tremendous courage. But it is also freeing, for only when fears are brought to conscious awareness will we be able to discover how to heal them. As long as fears are kept hidden, we are held helplessly in their grasp.

Since the root of our fears most often lies in childhood, we can expect to experience childlike feelings while rediscovering them. Seeking emotional support at such times is not dependence; it is wisdom. Taking the risk and having the courage to examine our seemingly rootless fears is best done in a protected and supportive environment.

Be reminded that before we begin to explore our inner demons, we need to find a person or a group with whom we feel safe, people we can trust implicitly with our vulnerability. It is okay to reach out and ask for assistance. In fact, it is essential.

Laughing with Our Klutz

It takes courage to laugh, to have a sense of humor. Why? Because when something is really funny it is a reflection of our own foibles and weaknesses, those things about ourselves which make us cringe. To have a good sense of humor, we must be able to not take ourselves too seriously - to increase our ability to laugh with, not at, ourselves as we stumble and stagger through the comedy of life.

This is especially difficult for women because we have been taught that how we look is incredibly important. As young people, we are definitely encouraged to be aware of what the neighbors would think, and that left many of us fearful of being judged if we acted in an unladylike manner. Becoming comfortable with ourselves when we have egg on our faces as well when we are doing things perfectly is a challenge, but ultimately makes us more fun to be around.

Helen was terrified of appearing foolish in front of others because she was afraid they would reject her. But that was really only her surface belief. Her deep, underlying conviction was that she was only lovable if she was perfect. When she began to change that belief by assuring herself she would love herself as a queen or a klutz, in strength and vulnerability, slim or chubby, she began to enjoy herself more. In fact, she has become so good at loving and reassuring her insecure inner child that she actually gets a kick out of her klutzy self now.

We can do as Helen did. Instead of seeing our klutzy self as a part of us we must hide, we can choose to view it as a charming and irresistible free spirit.

Refocusing Our Binoculars

All too often, we are overly self-critical. We believe that it is more acceptable for us to maximize our shortcomings and minimize our strengths. We have learned that it is not proper to toot our own horns.

Self-critical people see their mistakes leaping before them festooned with neon lights, while their triumphs wither from lack of attention. They look at their real or imagined shortcomings through powerful binoculars and look at their good points and successes, if at all, through the wrong end of the binoculars. Failures loom large and ominous, and successes look like specks on the horizon, mere accidents of nature.

It is courageous to refocus our binoculars, to give ourselves permission to move beyond self-critical thought patterns and realize what fantastic people we are. We can learn to "SEE": Savor Excellence Everyday by becoming an honest and appreciative mirror for ourselves. We choose to focus on the good in ourselves, learning from the things that we wish we had done better without allowing ourselves to magnify them out of proportion.

Making a list of things, we like and admire about ourselves and tucking it in our purse is a good way to help us reinforce change. If we notice ourselves focusing on the negatives about ourselves, we can take out our list, read it, and then add another positive to it. Maybe our positive will be that we noticed when our binoculars needed refocusing - that is a great habit breaker.

Kicking the Worry Habit

Worry is a habit that knocks the support right out from under us. So one of the most "freeing" changes we can make in our lives is to kick the worry habit. Since most habits are learned, it's important for us to ask where we learned to worry.

Joseph was a chronic worrier who hoped he could find relief from depression and insomnia. He said, "I was raised on worry and secondhand smoke, and I inhaled and absorbed the worry as much as I did the smoke".

Joseph explored the often unspoken but nevertheless powerful beliefs his parents had bequeathed. The majority of them were based on the assumptions that life was difficult, money was hard to come by, and God was a stern and punishing father. Joseph learned to believe that it never rained but it poured, there was never enough to go around, and that guilt was the only thing that could prevent him from being "condemned." Is it any wonder that Joseph became a worrier?

The only lasting antidote for chronic worry is faith, faith in the good, faith that the Universal Mystery is for us rather than against us. If we have learned to believe in the unfortunate and hateful, we have the ability to change that and come to believe in goodness and love. I know it's possible because Joseph did it, and so did I. As Joseph was starting to change his belief system, I gave him a little card that read, "Sometimes we have many reasons to be unhappy and not many reasons to be happy. Our task is to be unreasonably happy."

Always be reminded that if you are plagued by the worry habit, simply becoming aware of worry when it overtakes you and deciding to affirm that life is good will set your feet firmly on the road to kicking the worry habit. What we believe is our choice and we can support ourselves by choosing to be faith-filled and happy - even unreasonably so.

Excusing Is Often Inexcusable

To enjoy intimate and authentic relationships, we must be able to understand and forgive others and ourselves. But we women sometimes confuse excusing with understanding and forgiving. Excusing, a codependent and childish habit, is the first cousin of denial. Excusing others and ourselves lets us off the hook by not addressing the consequences or responsibilities of our behavior. Alcoholic families frequently "pivot" around excuses.

Inherent in the process of excusing is our willingness to take responsibility for the actions of others. Continually excusing unacceptable actions does not create a climate that fosters growth and learning, in fact it may be an implied put-down. When we excuse the inexcusable, we are subtly saying that the person who is excused is not capable of right behavior.

On the other hand, understanding is a strong strand in our emotional safety net. Understanding our own and others' actions and attitudes provides an honest framework in which we can create an atmosphere of acceptance and forgiveness - an environment in which people and relationships can mature and thrive.

Understanding requires commitment, energy, and the willingness to be with others and ourselves in a heartfelt and open way. We need to make the effort to search for the causes and motives behind our own negative behaviors or attitudes and do what is necessary to heal them. Of course we can't do that for others, but we can tell them when their behavior is unacceptable to us and gently remove ourselves from their presence.

Excusing may be initially more effortless than awareness, but it does not lead to intimacy, honesty, or authenticity.

12 Step Program of Recovery for Web Addicts

I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my PAPER newspaper like I used to, before the Web.

I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.

I will get dressed before noon.

I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web.

I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived.

I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web.

I will read a book...if I still remember how.

I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web.

I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email.

I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.

I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web.

Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

Loving from Overflow

Because taking time for ourselves is often a foreign idea, we need to have helpful reminders. When Suzanne turned fifty-nine, she decided it was time she had adolescence. As the eldest daughter of an old-fashioned European family, she had been the designated mother's helper and servant. Leaving her parents' home, she married and had six children of her own. Circumstances such as illness, moves, and the usual responsibilities of a large family dictated that she put herself last.

Never thinking of herself was such an ingrained habit that even now, at age seventy-five, she needs to give herself reminders to do so, such as paying her tuition in advance when she returned to school recently.

Many of us are in the same boat as Suzanne. We want to lighten our lives and nurture ourselves, but we do not know how. It helps to make a list of what fills us, gives us joy, and feels nurturing and healing. We need to check how much these people, activities, places, and attitudes we have listed are part of our lives.

In order to absorb the feeling of receiving, sit quietly and close your eyes. Gently ask for the picture of a vase, which represents you, your life's vessel, to come into your mind's eye. If the picture you see is not one you like, change it until you have a vase that pleases you. Now visualize all the fulfilling things you listed pouring into your vase. If good things refuse to fill your vase, stop and write in a journal any reasons you might feel unworthy. Gently reassure yourself that you deserve to have what you want and need.

Always remember that we love others best from our own overflow.

The Lotus Of Love

The human body, is the seat of a network of cooperating energy fields also known as chakras. At the very center of these fields, unifying and filtering them, lies the heart chakra (often called the heart lotus because its influence radiates outward like the petals of a flower).

The heart chakra is believed by many to be at the core of your emotional being. When balanced, it can be a source of love, confidence, creativity, and inspiration. The heart chakra gives us the ability to love, trust, and feel deep compassion for others. A balanced heart opens the mind to the radiating warmth of the universe and makes profound relationships possible. But when imbalanced, those same qualities can become twisted, leading us to feel hate, fear, or jealousy. Blockages in the fourth chakra can manifest as immune system and heart maladies because of the chakra's association with the physical heart, the circulatory system, and the blood.

There are numerous means of energizing and balancing this important energy center. Try sitting up with your back straight, and breathe deeply to center yourself. Rapidly tap your heart center, located in the middle of your chest, with your fingertips. Gradually increase and then decrease the intensity of your tapping over a three-minute period. Jasmine, lavender, and marjoram scents can also exert a balancing effect. Influence your heart chakra by loving yourself and learning to laugh freely. And while existing without its positive influence can leave you feeling disconnected, isolated, and filled with unexpressed emotions, too much heart chakra influence can lead to restlessness, dreaminess, and aimless wandering.

Always be reminded that the heart chakra is the point of new beginnings. Nurture it, and you will find that contentment will emerge from all aspects of your being.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Friends far and near,
Blessings big and small,
Smiles all around,
Happiness abound,
Thankful for this year
And the friends who filled each day
With comfort and kindness
In their own special way.

Wishing you all the joy and all the beauty of Thanksgiving!

In All Kinds of Weather

When we are close friends with someone, we intuitively know when they need a hug, a helping hand, or a sympathetic ear. Likewise, when we are going through bleak periods in our lives, we count on friends to support us through loss, illness, and other setbacks, both big and small. In addition, while part of being a good friend means being there when the other person needs us, it is just as important to be there for our friends so we can share in their joyous celebrations and triumphs.

After all, who else would our friends want to celebrate their promotions, graduations, marriages, and good news with than their loved ones and good friends. Yet depending on what is happening in our lives, it can sometimes be difficult to be there for our friends during the good times. We can become so busy with our own lives that we forget to make time. On the other hand, we may be so focused on our own problems that we may not feel like celebrating with our friends. We may even take their joyful moments for granted, assuming that as long as we are there for our friends during the bad times that we are doing our jobs. Yet part of being a true friend means also being there during the good times. Success and happiness can feel empty without someone to share them with, and who better to join in our victory dances than our good friends.

Taking the time from our busy lives to honor our friends' happy moments is a wonderful way to show them that they matter. And in many ways, by wanting you around during their happy occasions, your friends are also honoring you. After all, it is the people we cherish that we want around us to sing at our birthdays, visit our newborn babies, and pop open that bottle of champagne with when we reach a milestone moment.

The next time a friend wants you to be there to celebrate with them, remember to feel honored that they thought of asking you. Together, you can celebrate their happiness and your rich friendship.

Tagged!

I was tagged by April.

Mostly random facts about myself that I am willing to share to the rest.

My side:

Twenty facts about the Damsel:

1. I love my cheeblings to the max.
2. Just recently, I got confirmation that I am a Type 2 Diabetic.
3. I do have Hypothyroidism (Hashimoto's Disease) and that is the reason why I am so chubby.
4. I love traveling.
5. I am an obsessive-compulsive freak.
6. I do believe in Santa Claus.
7. I do love to swim and breaststroke is my forte.
8. I do love playing the piano.
9. I love writing. You should see my paper and cards collection.
10. I love sending greeting cards to friends and families. I never forget a birthday even anniversaries. You will definitely receive a greeting (online, post or a call) on your special day.
11. I love Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.
12. I love taking pictures. I consider them my treasures. I cannot leave home without my digital cam.
13. I still and will not easily forget Joaquin Joseph De Leon. He is the ultimate love of my life.
14. I do love good food with good conversations. Lunch/dinner for me can last for more than two hours with good friends.
15. Rachelle wants me to leave Manila soon and to forget a number of people who made my life hell for a few months.
16. Dad just gave me an iPod Shuffle. Thanks, Dadi! However, I am not a big fan of earphones.
17. I cannot wait for my new mobile phone to arrive. I will miss my Nokia 9210i for sure.
18. I love watching movies. I always go for the first full show during opening day.
19. I miss my EconBlock3A blockmates. Bonding times with them is one of the best times of my life. Paging, Sister Taba!
20. It is almost a month since I last pinched the tummy of my "little sister".

Next to tag is Cynch, Rachelle and Rhea.

Smoothing Transitions

Begin by making small changes or break up large-scale changes into more manageable increments. This can make you feel better about handling the changes you are about to make while making you more comfortable with change in general.

Mentally link changes to established daily rituals. This can make changes like taking on a new habit, starting a new job, or adapting to a new home happen much more smoothly. For example, if you want to begin meditating at home, try weaving it into your morning routine.

Going with the flow can help you accept change instead of resisting it. If you stay flexible, you will be able to ride out change without too much turbulence.

When a change feels most stressful, relief can often be found in finding the good that it brings. An illness, a financial loss, or a broken relationship can seem like the end of the world, yet they also can be blessings in disguise.

Remember that all change involves a degree of learning. If you find change particularly stressful, try to keep in mind that after this period of transformation has passed, you will be a wiser person for it.

Remember that upheaval and confusion are often natural parts of change. While we can anticipate certain elements that a change might bring, it is impossible to know everything that will happen in advance. Be prepared for unexpected surprises, and the winds of change won't easily knock you over.

Don't feel like you have to cope with changing circumstances or the stress of making a change on your own. Talk about what's going on for you with a friend or write about it in a journal. Sharing your feelings can give you a sense of relief while helping you find the strength to carry on.

Give yourself time to accept any changes that you face. And as change happens, recognize that you may need time to adjust to your new situation. Allow yourself a period of time to reconcile your feelings. This can make big changes feel less extreme.

No matter how large or difficult a change is, you will eventually adapt to these new circumstances. Remember that regardless of how great the change, all the new that it brings will eventually weave itself into the right places in your life.

If you're trying to change a pattern of behavior or navigate your way through a life change, don't assume that it has to be easy. Wanting to cry or being moody during a period of change is natural. Then again, don't assume that making a change needs to be hard. Sometimes, changes are meant to be that easy.

Be reminded that "the hurrier you go, the behinder you get" so slow and easy wins the change.

New Certified Professional Librarians

Out of 742 examinees, 240 passed and Top No. 4 is Iyra "Cutie" S. Buenrostro. Along with Iyra are the bodyguards namely, Jeremy Arevalo, Norman Noor Azman and Michael "Pareng Mike" Villanueva will also be present for the oath taking ceremony on Friday, Nov. 25, 1:30 p.m., at the Manila Hotel.

Other board passers that I met this year are Lisette (Top No. 10), Daisy, Loren, and Jhoanne.

Congratulations on your excellent performance! A toast to all of you and a round of applause. Now its time to celebrate and be merry!

The Gemini Woman

"A good-looking woman with brains, a very interesting person. She has a fast movement and she could not sit still or stand still long. She is able to do many things at the same time and do it fast. If you date her, you will feel like dating many women at the same time. You cannot tie her down with the word "Love" because she cares about love but is it not a major factor of her life. You have to be able to adjust yourself to get along with her many different characters.

She is a dreamer and has many dreams. She eager to learn something new all the time. Even she is the 2 in 1 mixed character type, she is quite lucky in love. You have to put all your efforts to win her affection. Even when she likes you and wonder about your wit, she will also see and inspect your bad side at the same time, because it is in her nature.

She able to keep all kinds of mixed emotions without annoying you or letting you know at all. She can cheer you up by acting like a free little bird. Her conversation will not bore you. She able to talk to you in any subjects. She can make you feel like you are the luckiest man alive. She can make you feel like she needs all your care, but once she needs to stand-alone; she can stand-alone firmly and comfortably.

She can be your best friend and talk to you about anything. She can join all your activities with the same energy that you have. She is a quick wit person and learns new things very fast. She can see your projects and she can give you good advice. If she thinks you are not sure that you want her for yourself, she will act like your best friend only, a cool woman.

She can easily make a guy fall in love with her. Her multiple changes and many moods is a "Charm" for many men. She can be laughing for two minutes and later suddenly quiet. She wants to find only one true love and she wants to meet her dream guy. She expects a lot and nearly too much. She is constantly waiting for her knight shinning armor even she is with a steady boy friend. She can fall in love or fond of someone else while she is with you. If you break up with her, she will forget you quite fast, because change is in her nature. The Gemini woman breaks more heart than woman in other Zodiac. Because she is a dreamer and always waiting for her knight shinning armor, so her love life can be complex or a mess.

She hates to write a long letter, so if you write her a letter and expect a prompt reply, forget it. Because she has a multiple personality and multiple ideas, so she hates to put them down in written proof. Because she knows what she, belief today can be different tomorrow.

She could communication with more than one language, a very gifted linguistic. If she wants to tell you any bad comments, she will not say it straight away, but she will talk to you about many other things and accidentally come to that subject without offending you. Normally she will not lie.

She will work hard and once a while take a long rest. She can get bored and tired with her own surrounding more than at work. She never feel content with her present work, money, or reputations, she will drive to have more. Do not ask her what her ultimate contentment is for she will not have an answer.

Once you get to know her, she will be a supportive person and always be beside you. She has a beautiful dream and she loves to have someone walk side by side with her, together and equally."

I am a Gemini Woman... and I love it!

Letting Your Soul Be Heard

When we allow ourselves to be witnessed by another, we cannot help but be transformed by the experience. Whether we are sharing a personal experience, standing in front of friends to celebrate a special occasion, or expressing our unbridled joy or sorrow in front of a loved one, we are allowing ourselves to be seen and experienced in a very intimate way.

Not only are we baring ourselves to someone else, but we are allowing that person to hold a very specific kind of space with us so this powerful act can take place. To be witnessed is to let ourselves be seen as we truly are in that moment.

Our friends and loved ones can easily be witnesses for us, if only we are brave enough to let them. Your next birthday may be the perfect occasion to experience this sacred act: Invite your friends and loved ones to your special day. During the celebration, stand in front of them and thank them for being there for you.

Feel their gratitude, attention, warmth, and support, while noticing the sense of safety you feel as they surround you. If you feel inspired, share your innermost thoughts about the day and your life. You may be surprised at the feelings of peace and validation that arise within you, when you feel safe enough to go deep into your soul and share yourself with those you trust.

Anyone who has ever seen love, admiration, acceptance, or appreciation reflected in a friend or loved one's eyes knows how transformative that experience can be. When you bare yourself to another, you are giving them the gift of you and showing them that they also matter.

At present creating peaceful surroundings and suggesting that in letting yourself be witnessed, you are letting others into your intimate space, stepping in the sacred container they have created for you, and creating a cauldron of positive affirmation, support, love, and goodwill that will stay with you forever.

Really Sad but Truly Meaningful

Learn To Be Lonely
The Phantom of the Opera Movie Soundtrack
Performed by Minnie Driver
Music by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Lyric by Charles Hart

Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness

Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion

Never dreamed, out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You've always known
Your heart was on it's own

So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to be lonely
Learn how to love
Life that is lived alone

Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived
Life can be loved alone

A second glance at the lyrics and continuous playing of the track, it sank inside my brain and I was moved, it was sad but truly meaningful. I guess that sometimes it is better off alone� You cannot get hurt and you will not cry anymore� It hurts just to breathe.

Remembering Lola Chayong

Today marks the second death anniversary of Lola Chayong, the famous Mrs. Rosario Vicaldo Mackay, our maternal grandmother who joined our Creator last November 1, 2003.

Everybody misses her. I can always bet the whole family misses her, I know they do.

As a tradition, we trekked to my Mom�s ancestral home and prepared for Lola�s death anniversary and our youngest cousin, Kristian Carl�s fourth birthday.

Mom cooked Dinuguan and Baked Macaroni, Auntie Fe prepared Pancit Canton, Uncle Jun ordered Puto and Kutsinta while I prepared the famous Menudo sandwich that Lola Chayong prepares yearly as merienda during All Saint�s Day.

The weather cooperated today with a slight breeze all throughout our stay at Lola�s mausoleum.

I do miss Lola Chayong�s specialties like the Banana Cake, Pineapple Pie and her own style of Spaghetti. Whenever I see Green Apples, Green Seedless Grapes and KFC�s Mashed Potatoes, I cannot help but smile, shed a tear and remember her.

Nowadays whenever I go home to 1635, I can only shout out loud the words, �Auntie Fe, nandito na ako!� yet before, all I know and until now I can still hear myself shouting, �Lola, nandito na kami! Anong niluto mo para sa akin?�.

I know she is happy where she is right now and I should be happy that she is resting in Heaven. I also know she is looking down and keeping an eye on us.

Lola Chayong� how I wish I can bake your famous Banana Cake and I can eat the cakes with Mom and the rest of the family. We miss you!

Trick or Treat

Trick-or-treating, also known as Guising, is an activity for children on Halloween in which they proceed from house to house, asking for treats such as candy with the question, "Trick or treat?" Trick-or-treating is done in costume and is one of the main traditions of Halloween. It has become socially required if one lives in a neighborhood with children to purchase candy in preparation for trick-or-treaters.

The activity is popular in the United States and Canada, and due to culture, importation in recent years has started to occur (though with considerably less enthusiasm than in the USA and Canada) in Australia and parts of Europe.

Here in the Philippines, a number of posh villages and companies are now participating in such traditions. Last Saturday, more than 60 kids registered for the village sponsored Trick-or-Treat festivities where my parent�s reside.

Almost all the kids are dressed to their absolute best. One thing that happened last Saturday that we did not like was the arrival of the kids earlier than their scheduled visit. They were scheduled to arrive between 5pm to 6pm and yet at 430pm, all kids rang the doorbell and shouted to the top of their lungs, �Trick or Treat!�

We rushed to our main gate and brought with us our candy treats (eight different kinds of candies and chocolates). Helen handed out one treat per kid and yet there were so many hands! We asked them to fall in line properly and yet they did not, whew! Even Reyboy cannot take pictures properly. Mom was not able to see all the kids in costumes and I had a hard time checking out who�s who.

At any rate, we enjoyed the treat giving, almost 65 candy treats were distributed and we even gave treats for the people who organized the activity.

The day before was Mom�s 52nd birthday and instead of cooking tons of food she opted to buy the goodies for the kids. She had fun. I had fun. And for sure, all the kids had fun.

I just wish that all kids brushed their teeth before going to bed� lucky for the family dentist if they did not.

Guilty

I was randomly checking blogs when I stumbled to Rachelle's post and read the entry regarding shadowed friendships not only once, not twice but read it thrice.

Yes, I am guilty.

Rachelle, I already started cleaning up the shadowed relationships. I moved on from friendships that no longer work for me. And yes, it is easier to retreat and simply fade out of someone else�s life.

I just realized that when you think about it, the "getting out" of a difficult relationship could be relatively easy. It is "deciding to get out" that is the difficult part. No other thing you could possibly do will simplify your life, as quickly or as completely as getting out of a relationship that is not working.

Rachelle, you challenge me to be the best I can be... by accepting and appreciating me, you have helped me learn to accept and appreciate myself. Thank you for being a friend close to my heart.

7-Ups for Friendship

1. Open Up. Be honest, open and candid (tempered with kindness).
2. Stand Up. For your friends, whether they are there or not.
3. Put Up. Give your friend the freedom to be imperfect (like you!).
4. Speak Up. Say what you feel; be generous with sincere (public/private) praise.
5. Show Up. Be there; do what you say you will do.
6. Make Up. Do not hold a grudge; be the first to say, "I'm sorry, please forgive me."
7. Re-Up. Take inventory and re-commit yourself to the friendship often.

A Few of Life's Unanswered Questions

Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the third hand on the watch called second hand?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?

So Confused

Out of Reach
Performed by: Gabrielle
Dreams Can Come True: Greatest Hits, Vol. 1
April 2002

Knew the signs
Wasn't right
I was stupid for a while
Swept away by you
And now I feel like a fool

So confused, my heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be

Catch myself from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy every day
I know I will be OK

But I was
So confused, my heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be

So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain what is lost inside
And I hope that in time, you'll be out of my mind
And I'll be over you

But now I'm
So confused, my heart's bruised
Was I ever loved by you

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldn't see
We were never meant to be

Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
In my reach, I can see
There's a life out there for me

Out of Reach is a beautiful song about loving a person who does not love you back. Anyone will definitely enjoy reflecting on their past relationships and where they went wrong. Let us face it, what is more intriguing than unrequited love.

C'est La Vie

Looking back at the twenty-some years of my life, it has been one heck of a ride. A colleague once told me that you need to create spikes in your life. These spikes make up the precious memories you will always remember. The highlights of your life.

Travel. Explore. Feel. Tantalize your senses.

Dreaming about the future sends my head up in the clouds. Nevertheless, the real world rushes by. Not stopping just for me to keep on dreaming a little longer. Reality pulls me back to earth. And the real world is never as perfect as in my dreams.

C'est la vie. That is just how life is.

The joy. The pain. The hope and fear of the unkown.

The late Gilda Radner summed it up pretty well.

"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned the hard way that some poems don't rhyme and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what is going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity."

Not knowing what comes next. That is the thrill of the ride.

I'm Just a Girl...

Buses and Trains
Performed by: Bachelor Girl
Released: June 1999

Hey Mum, why didn't you tell me?
Why didn't you teach me a thing or two?
You just let me go, out into the world
You never thought to share what you knew

CHORUS:
So I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep fallin' in love
Which is kind of the same
I've sunk out at sea, crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good, I wanna do it again

Hey Mum, why didn't you warn me?
'Cause about boys there's something I should have known
They're like chocolate cake, like cigarettes
I know they're bad for me but I just can't leave 'em alone

(CHORUS)

Yeah, I walked under a bus
I got hit by a train
Yeah
And it felt so good (so good), I wanna do it again
I wanna do it again
Hey yeah yeah
I wanna do it again
Hey yeah hey yeah
Oh, felt so good
Y-y-yeah yeah yeah

Hey Mum, since we're talkin'
What was it like when you were young?
Has the world changed or is still the same?
A man can kill and still be the sweetest fun

(CHORUS)

Under a bus
I got hit by a train
Keep fallin' in love
Which is kind of the same
I've sunk out at sea, crashed my car, gone insane
And it felt so good, I wanna do it again

Yeah
Under a bus
I got hit by a train
And it felt so good, I wanna do it again

Buses and Trains is a catchy tune I adored. The vocals are simple to follow as is the lyrics. The quality of this track lies with the message of the lyrics �And it felt so good I wanna do it again�. Go figure, hahaha!

My Dearest Friends

My friends are so very dear to me,
Through the good and bad they�ve been there,
Laughter or tears we�ve been through it all,
But no matter what they stood by me,
Sharing in my joy, or lending a shoulder to cry on.

Building memories that will last a life time.
The fun times and laughter that we have shared,
Are happy memories that will always be there.
When I was sad, they have always cheered me up.

My friends are true friends, not just passing by,
But will be there through out the years.
I can�t think of more perfect friends,
To share my goals and dreams with.

Because my Forever Friends*
Are the only ones I will ever need,
I don�t know if they can tell,
Just how much they mean to me.

How important their friendship is,
And how much I care,
For they are what true friendship is about.
They�re there when I need them,
And I love them all.

*For:
Agri, Aileen, April, Baby Ruth, Bunny, Carlo, Che, Di, Dins, Elline, Gracey, Ja, Libay, Marianna, Mel, Moi, Mother, Rachelle, Reyna, Sir Gabs, Tita Inday and ZsaZsa

Thank you for always being there through the good and the bad.

Slippery Love and Inevitable Loss

Sleeps With Butterflies
Performed by: Tori Amos
Originally released: 2005
Sony Music Entertainment Inc.

Airplanes
Take you away again
Are you flying
Above where we live
Then I look up a glare in my eyes
Are you having regrets about last night
I'm not but I like rivers that rush in
So then I dove in
Is there trouble ahead
For you the acrobat
I won't push you unless you have a net

You say the word
You know I will find you
Or if you need some time
I don't mind
I don't hold on
To the tail of your kite
I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly then boy

Balloons
Look good from on the ground
I fear with pins and needles around
We may fall then stumble
Upon a carousel
It could take us anywhere

I'm not like the girls that you've known
But I believe I'm worth coming home to
Kiss away night
This girl only sleeps with butterflies
With butterflies
With butterflies
So go on and fly boy

A delicate, dreamy song laced with the smooth blends of the piano with a light mix of bass, guitar and percussion, letting the song floats by like a cloud. Blessed with a soaring and infectious chorus, "Sleeps With Butterflies" deals with the standard Amos themes of slippery love and inevitable loss thereof. It out rightly explains what she needs, addressing the need for give and take between male and female to make a relationship work: "I don't hold onto the tail of your kite/I'm not like the girls that you've known/But I believe I'm worth coming home to/Kiss away night/This girl only sleeps with butterflies/So go on and fly then boy."

Highs and Lows

His voice...
520pm: Dat was so low..Even 4 u..I canot beliv how shallow u r..I trustd u..I always thot dat u of all pipol will do d ryt thing..Un pla..Ur jst a lod of carp.

548pm: Kausapin mo c ate Janis..Tanungn mo cya kng bkt ko gnawa ung gnwa ko "U r so low" Unbelivabl..Sobrang unbelivable..

609pm: Ang BOBO MO!!Kaasar k..Mahal n mahal kta blang kaptd..Gngwa ko lht to kc para mkta mo n d ako ka2lad ng ibang tao n pgtapos kna gmtn ita2pon..Hindi ako ganun..ang BOBO MO BOBO!Pinagma2laki kta plagi..Never ktang cniraan..Ang bobo mo tlga..ang bobo mo..D kna tlaga ngiiicp ngaun

620pm: Oo ang tanga mo..Kng ndi ta2nungin c te jans..Ako mgsa2bi sau..Inaway kta.. Para A. Mkta mo ung ibang tao na nakapalgd sau, ka2lad ni ate jean- Ilang beses k iniyakn n ate jean,nung inaway kita tngnan mo naapric8 mo cya.. B.Ayoko n gnagas2san moko, u nid ol d mony u cn get ayaw ko mgng rison para gumastos k.. C.Kelangan mo ng malayo s KDAS kc ndi healty sau concernd ako para sau..Tapos ako ang pnakarison kng bkt ngpplut ka mgstay..Gnaw ko lhat para sau..bobo mo tlaga.

625pm: Tapos ang pnaka huling rison ko..Ang bobo mo kc,kya 2loy kht cno lng pde ka Iabvse..Ayoko un,mabait kang tao..I had hoped n sa pgaway ko sau ma222nan mo ung leson nato para mgng masaya k..Manga2long ung leson s "kptd" mo..Para controlado ko sarili ko..Alam ko lht, tapos NXPECT ko n MAIICP MO RIN.. Pro mli..

629pm: Mukhang ndi..Kc kng naicip mo..Ndi k ngkaganyan..I'm so disapointd..Yan n bang 22ong side mo..Ung hindi ngpa2kamartyr..Ang panget..sobra!

635pm: Cnasbi mo n 22o k..N gngwa mo ay ung plagng tama..Pro..Un pla.. Plastic..Nka2disapoint..Sobra..Bilang isang tao..Bilang "UP" s2dent..Bilang isang "ate"..

645pm: I never was d best brother.Bt I always thot na nanjan k.Para itama ako at iguide ako.Un pla. Basura lng ako sau nkpagtapos n..Ccrain at ita2pon..Wla nkong ssbhn

807pm: Always ktang kharap at hnarap..Yet bakstaber k pla.. Npakawlangkwenta mong kausap..plastic..amp!

My voice...
After a lot of thinking and sorting out what happened last night, I am posting this for everybody to know who I am now and who I should be. I know that a number of people will definitely get mad with what is written. He, however, (yes you, and you know who you are), for whom I have unfortunately wasted time, will no doubt pretend that he could not care less. And believe me, neither do I now.

Low is as low as it gets. Only the lowest to those who deserve it. Why do you think you deserve better? I do the right things to the right people, but do not expect to be treated right when you do not know what that concept means. I might be a load of crap, but as they say, it takes one to know one.

I do not have to ask other people why you do the thing that you do. If you cannot say it yourself, tough! I do not want the opinion of others when it comes to what you did.

Do not delude yourself that you know what it means to love someone like a brother or a sister. You do not know what that means. You are not capable of it because you only think of yourself first before you think of others. Yes, I might be dumb, the dumbest in fact, but only because I believed in you when all the signs said you could not be trusted. I should have kept my eyes open and let my mind do the thinking. I let my guard down, and admittedly, that is the dumbest thing I could have done.

You talk about being concerned - for whom? Me? I hardly think so. Do not give yourself credit for something that you are not capable of doing or feeling. Now I can see that you delude even yourself of the truth. You did everything for yourself.

You are right on that one; I did let you abuse me. In the beginning, I did not think of it that way, because I am not that kind of person, but to think that you of all people would go that low to abuse me. Moreover, you actually have the gall to say it is out of concern for me? Do not make me laugh! I did learn a lesson from you, it has not to trust people like you who said that they are concerned for me and that I am like a sister to them.

Do not be too disappointed. I am not. I saw you for what you really are. That is good enough.

Like I said, the real me is reserved for the people who deserve it. If I came across as "plastic" to you, that is because that is exactly what you are. You get what you give. You acted that way that is why people come across that way to you. I am a better example of a UP student than you ever would be. At least I have the decency to act professional when it is called for. As for being a sister, I tried that, but you were never a brother to me.

You were never a brother. I was here, and yes, I have decided to dump you because you are not worth it. Good if you do not have anything to say. No one will listen anyway.

You always hide behind your lies or some other person to say things for you. You want to know the truth? You are a coward. And cowards get what they deserve.

As for the rest, treat me however, you want. Treat me as your mentor, your role model, your worst enemy, your dear sister, or treat me as dead, that is all fine with me. I could not care less.

Too tired to continue being blamed, being the enemy, being abused, being the goody good shoes - everything stops now.


My thoughts...
Minsan mahirap tanggapin na may mga taong makitid ang pag-iisip. Minsan mahirap tanggapin na may mga taong akala mo e may nalalaman ngunit wala naman pala. Minsan mahirap maintindihan na ang mga taong may pinag-aralan naman ay wala naman palang natutuhan. Sayang ang ginastos sa pag-aaral. Minsan mahirap tanggapin na ang taong akala mo e tao ay hindi pala.

Mas madali na isipin para sa isang tao na tama lahat ang kanyang ini-isip. Na tama ang lahat ng kanyang sinasabi. Ngunit kung susuriin mo kung ano ang mga lumalabas sa kanyang bibig at kung ano ang kanyang mga ikinikilos, makikita mo ang tutoo. Na ang taong ito ay nabubuhay lamang para sa kanyang sarili. Ang taong ito ay takot sa ibang tao na may kakayahang mahigitan sya sa kahit anong bagay. Bakit? Dahil mahirap tanggapin sa sarili na ang kanyang pagkatao ay kulang. Kulang dahil walang lalim ang kayang pagkatao, dahil ang layunin nya ay umangat habang nakatuntong sa iba, at nang hindi na pumayag ang tinutungtungan, wala syang ibang pwedeng gawin kundi sirain ang taong dapat sana ay nakatulong sa kanya. Kaya nya itong gawin at magtago sa dahilang ito ay ginagawa nya para sa kapakanan ng iba. Tama? Natural, dahil sya lamang ang may tamang pag-iisip at ang ibang tao ay walang alam, bobo ika nga. Ngayon, kapag naman ang ibang tao ay lumaban sa kanya, madali din niyang masasabi na isa kang ipokrita, plastik, bullsyet.

Dapat bang paniwalaan ang taong ganito? Madali syang paniwalaan dahil magaling syang mambola ng tao. Kahit pa nga ang pwede mong masabing matalino e kaya nyang lokohin. Kesehoda pang gradweyt ka ng UP at sya ay hindi. Ang panloloko ay hindi sinusukat kung saan nagtapos ang isang tao kundi sa kagustuhan nya na manloko.

Minsan masusukat mo ang pagkatao sa mga katagang lumalabas sa kanyang bibig. Minsan naman, ang mga salita ay kusang binabanggit dahil ito lamang ang paraan upang ipaintindi sa iba ang gusto mong sabihin. Ito ay dahil sa hanggang dito lang ang kaya ng kanyang kaalaman. Mataas man ang tingin ko sa aking sarili, ito ay dahil may mga nagawa na ako na ikinataas ko. Hindi ang isang mababang gawa mo ang pwedeng magbaba sa akin dahil wala kang karapatan. Huwag kang magtago sa dahilan na itinuring mo akong kapatid dahil alam mo na hindi iyan ang tutoo. Hindi ka tataas dahil sa paggamit mo sa akin dahil wala ka namang laman sa iyong kalooban na magpapataas sa iyong kinalalagyan. Kung mababa ang tingin ko sa iyo ay dahil sa ganyan ka talaga kababa at kung bumaba naman ang tingin mo sa akin ay wala yang kaso dahil mas mababa ka at di abot ang aking narating. Kung ayaw mong may marinig ay huwag kang magsalita.

Kung ayaw mong may kumilos ay huwag kang manulak. Gumawa ka ng sa iyo at tumahimik habang ginagawa mo ito. Tigilan ang pagtalak dahil dinaig mo pa ang babae sa pagtalak. At tigilan mo ang pagmamarunong dahil wala kang alam.

Never was it better than the first!

Conversations I: I Know You Love Me
I know you love me
Why can't you say it in my face
I know you love me
Why keep it in a safe place

I know you love me
Come on, say it please
I know you love me
Say it softly, with ease

I know you love me
Please don't go away
I know you love me
See, now is the day

I know you love me
Say it, you will
Let's get it over with
There's not much time to kill

Conversations II: I Can't Say It

I can't say it
While I'm in front of you
I can't say it
You know it, you do

I can't say it
It's too hard for me
I can't say it
Really, can you not see

I can't say it
Even if you ask me again
I can't say it
Not now, not even then

I can't say it
It's true I cannot
Please forgive me
I love you not

"Conversations I and II" - written by Bwayne

g. riveros:

"So beautiful , uncomplicated and tender, that I'm quite sure the person it is adressed to, will understand it fully. Amongst the things I usually read in these pages, I have not seen anything as pure as the Conversations, the kind of message that, not hurting, dignifies both the author and the recipient equally. You have said in a few words what a whole book of poetry may not ever say or would attempt to say with at least great difficulty. Regards."

Galing talaga!

Four Gents and Two Ladies

Sa ating bansang Pilipinas, hindi mo alam kung kailan uulan, kung kailan aaraw ng masikat na masikat at kung kailan walang mga katrapikan sa kalsada.

Just like any ordinary Thursday, makulimlim sa bandang alas-sais ng umaga pero sobrang kainitan naman pagdating ng alas-diyes! Hay!

Went out around 1030am, braved the heat, took the cab and I got my Harry back. I did not spend any centavo since all the replacements were covered by the warranty - yippee!

While waiting for Harry, was able to watch again for the nth time, Mighty Ducks 2 and saw Charlie! Hay, what a sight!

Since I don't have much planned for the day, I had lunch with the four gents (Bruno, Verbose, still don't have a code for Norman, and Sweetness) and my Ace.

Daming tao sa Sousaku! First time na nakita naming puno ang tables and hirap na hirap ang mga servers and even the owner was busy taking orders.

Another lunch filled good food with tons of giggles and teasing. Though we were happy to be with each other, we remembered those who cannot join us for lunch (little sister, cutie, and pogi).

We already scheduled a date for our next overnight escapade and a long trip for all of us on the 19th. Sorry na lang sa hindi invited - ika nga nila, mamatay kayo sa ingit!

After paying the bill and saying our goodbyes, I had to shoo them off since they might be scolded again for being late and spending too much breaks (kapal ng mukha ng mga naninita, akala mo perfect, sila ba hindi nalelate at hindi nagbubulakbol?).

Before hailing a cab, I passed by Big Brother/Cafe Salcedo and bought Cream Puff and Choco Beehives for my cheeblings. Whew, going home at 230pm was no joke... ang init!

MyLK with Great Aunts

MyLK stands for My Little Kitchen and literally they have a little kitchen. They go by the popular saying "great things come from small packages" - that would be MyLK. They differ from other mall restaurants because of the relaxed atmosphere that it provides. The service is excellent, and the surroundings are cozy and cool to the eyes. Go try it out at Level 2 of Greenbelt 3, Ayala Center.

Ella Criselda and Clarice Delma

Chloe Jean and Drusilla Joyce

Ralline Jean and Zoe Jeanevieve

Zoe Jeanevieve and J. Reynaldo III

MyLK...

they always make sure that you'll leave with a Happy Tummy!

Next In Line

I never dreamed that the next time I will see the kids would be another last dance.

Yesterday, Sheryl got a call from Ma'am Cecille and informed her that she got the post! Saya-saya namin kasi an hour before the call was made, she's already scared that she didn't make the cut, told She to be very patient. Then after an hour, halos wala pang isang oras, ayun, controversial phone call.

Hurriedly, I finished my lunch, prepared her resignation letter, sent it to She throough YM, and told her to tender it ASAP. According to the boys, she did not stay long when she tendered her resignation letter - ang bilis! Astig talaga si Pogi!

I met up with the kids after a family dinner a little past 9pm. (I am still waiting for the pics from the family dinner before posting an entry - Mom took the pics!). As usual, they had dinner at KFC and we were the last customers to leave the place

No gathering with the kids would be complete without snapshots so as always, everyone smiled and posed!

For our dearest Ashe She - galingan mo sa AU! Yakang-yaka mo yan at wag mo kami papahiya kay Ma'am Cecille. For sure, isa sa mamimiss ng mga kasama mo sa production room ay ang malamakinilya mong pagtype sa keyboard. Nandito lang kami ha, isang text, isang email or isang buzz lang!

Now, I wonder... who will be next in line?

Of Rejection and Bitterness

Why is it that for some people, rejection is something that they can't live with? I've had my fair share of rejection but never did it tarnish my ever so shiny ego and self- esteem. Well, for one, I know what I can and cannot do. Second, I�m doing something so that the cannot's can be can's in the end.

Maybe people should be more prepared for the worst. Complement it with hope and trust, and a dash of determination, could it get any better than that? It worked for me, maybe you wanna have a healthy serving. It wouldn't hurt big-time if you try. You want?

And why on earth would you let someone ruin you? What about the core of who you are? Shouldn't that matter more than anything else?

But be careful. You gotta listen to people who make more sense than you. Let them help create a better you. Milk them for whatever they are worth. But give back the cheese. Let things be symbiotic.

This chaotic experience is distending.

The Greatest Advice

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough and know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals. Don't stagnate!

Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr/Mrs Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr/Mrs Wrong because your biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won.
Only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions and be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.

It is true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in your God.
Don't grow old. Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back. Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love is T-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but the quality of time spent together.

-- Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life

Crying

I haven't been really crying. I did over the past week, but the tears shed were just wasted tears on some things that never became mine. Though that crying required a CD of songs just so the emotions that the melody brings are enough to let that drop fall, the tears were superficial. A chat conversation with a friend was also prerequisite to get the tears out.

It seems that I have crossed a certain pain threshold. That no amount of shit can bring me down. But it never made me stop relish the pain. Enjoy its irritating scent. Lavish in its evilness. Drink its cup of sour wine.

The pain trip is always worth it. The learnings. The much better you - the one more ready to face bigger challenges and hurdle higher barriers.

After all, you are just recognizing that this is an opportunity. And crying is a waste of time.

In memory of Dean Ma. Divina Pascua-Cruz

Ma. Divina Pascua-Cruz was one of my fondest professors at UP Diliman and she died last Friday, 30 September 2005.

It was Ate Shelly who sent the SMS to Norman then Norman showed to us his phone with the sad news and that time I was still with the kids enjoying dinner at Greenbelt 1.

I attended the Necrological Services with Jannice and Ka Roger earlier at the UP Chapel in Diliman, Quezon City. Wished so much that Mary Ann, Rachelle and Ella could come but they have their own appointments. We saw Jeremy and Joenabie together (sana nagkabalikan), a number of ILIS friends and classmates (Denise, Dante, Joel, Rhea, Harrietand Jean, Ate Elvie, Jocelyn, Lizbeth, Arnor and Cheche � to name a few), old teachers/professors, and a number of acquaintances and a few enemies. Wu, hu, hu. Much as I want to have pictures taken with the people who attended the services, I behaved myself and just looked around.

I will definitely miss her laughter, her lingering perfume, her mini skirts and all the words of wisdom she shared. Hats off to one fine lady!

Love doesn't end with dying
Or leave with the last breath.
For someone you've loved deeply,
Love doesn't end with death.
- John Addey

Teary Eyed Saturday

With less than five hours of sleep and still wanting some more zzz�s, I woke up with my Mom�s cheerful voice. My brother forgot to write me a note or even a SMS that Mom will drop by to pick/drop him to school. So sleepy pero sige na nga, gising na kung gising. They did not stay long, just long enough for my dear brother to clean up and eat breakfast.

After breakfast, I opened my beloved Harry and checked the dailies, emails and messages. My little sister mentioned earlier that she�ll pass by the Jungle to get her stuff before going to CSM, and a little before 8am, she�s already packing her stuff. I told her days before her last day at the jungle to bring home little by little her personal stuff, yet she wasn�t able to do so. Ayun, pulang-pula at sobrang iyakan na naman sila sa Jungle.

Why did I tell her not to go back, because, she�ll have a hard time leaving the Jungle and seeing again the rest of the gang. What happened? Ayun, crying all the time sila ni Alas at ni Hudas. Pati ako, even in my sleepwear, napapaiyak nila sa dami ng kadramahan ni Little Sister at ni Ace. Hay!

As promised to my Ace, Saturday lunch is solely for her. Ayun, dahil sa hindi makayanang pagiyak, hindi na nakayanan ni Jannice na pumunta ng CSM, napakiusapan na ni Jean na magstay si Jannice. Bongga, ang tres marias na naman ang kakain for lunch.

Hurriedly, I prepared lunch for Verbose and Sweetness and off I went to the Jungle. Fetched Jannice and we bought some batteries and went straight to our favorite nearby Japanese restaurant along Salcedo, Sousaku. We ordered appetizers and waited for Jean before ordering our lunch. Over lunch, we still can�t help ourselves but cry and laugh and eat the good food. We even got a 15% discount for our next visit � sarap!

Funny thing, we�ve been eating a lot at Sousaku and had a number of pictures taken inside the restaurant but never outside the place. So, before we went back to the Jungle to drop Jean and to get Ja�s backpack, we asked the good security guard and he took our picture.

Back in the Jungle, Ja said again her goodbyes and still crying, daming luha ng babaeng ito, but as promised to our dear Ka Roger, �magbabait ako habang nasa gubat at ngingiti lamang�, I am so bait! Sabi pa nga ni Verbose, �Madam, ang haba ng hair natin ah, saka ang galing ninyo talagang umarte, celebrity talaga!� Ako pa! Wahahaha. Even Sweetness was playfully saying �Madam, dito ka muna sa tabi ko, para maglinger lalo ang scent mo hanggang sa muling pagkikita!�. Pati ako natawa. Ganun talaga siya kasweet! No wonder, daming babaeng nakapila kay Marvin!

Marvs, may napupusuan ka nab a sa dami ng prospects? May irecommend sana ako sa iyo eh. Just kidding! Sweetness, ask me privately na lang!

Almost 3pm and our Ka Roger�s already in the Jungle Lobby waiting, I had to drag Jannice out of the room at sorbrang river crying na habang ako eh tawa pa rin ng tawa kasi may mga Orocan! Sa kakatawa ko, pati si Jannice eh humagulgol sa loob ng CR. Whew, she even mentioned, �Ate, tama ka, dapat di ko na iniwan pa ang mga gamit ko at inuwi na natin kahapon.� Actually, nainggit pa ako sa kanya, kaya I answered her �Tapos na, umiyak ka na Ja, atleast ikaw maganda ang closure mo sa kanilang lahat, di katulad sa isang kilala namin na walang closure, puro arguments lang at misunderstanding at saka hurt�.

We walked towards Greenbelt and we did something that we wanted to do for a very long time - we had our pictures taken with Ronald McDonald. Sobrang funny and kapalan lang talaga ng mukha lalo na�t daylight pa man din at maraming tao sa kalsada. We don�t care� we are not Care Bears! Saya!

We bought some stuff over at Greenbelt 1 and then we strolled to Greenbelt 3. We had relaxing moments over milkshakes and crepes at Caf� Breton and then made fun with the people roaming around. As usual, daming pintas, daming puri, daming katatawanan.

Another day filled with tons of weeping, laughing, eating and drinking. Whew� sana every day fulfilled just like today� lots of love and care. Wish!